Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What to really put on my blog?!?!

Up to now, I'm still a bit confused about what content to really write on my blog. I don't know whether to just put them on plurk, or just leave it in my head and to not write it at all so that it won't just be a filler. But, I guess right now I'm writing it here. It turns out that it's not much of a filler after all. It's me anyway. It's who I am. And, so, I am writing this down and documenting it.

Adieu! ;)

Arrogance and laziness... Or something new?

Sometimes, there comes a point that I feel like I "know it all", and that I have enough skill, intellect, and everything one needs to do something; just like in writing. I used to write a lot on my blog. Nowadays, however, I get a pretty hard time to even finish one decent, heartfelt post. It's because most of the time, I only just really try to produce a blog just for the sake of producing one, for the sake of making me feel like I'm "still" the writer that I used to be, and to make me feel like I am a man of skill, especially in writing. Downright, I can tell myself that I feel arrogant yet without any acts.

As far as I can remember, I began starting to lose my interest, or rather, my spontaneity in writing when I transferred to De La Salle University in Manila. I began to get busy in school-related stuff and my own preoccupations as I feel like I was finally on the path towards my ultimate man-made dreams. Those dreams, as I can describe it, are ambitious dreams that I have set for myself; ones that fill out my selfish desires, as human and as normal as they are. It's just that ever since, I've been grounded to the knowledge that man, specifically I, has a purpose to fulfill, and that if I blind myself too much of my own desires, I can't be able to fulfill my own purpose in life.

I also have a feeling of trying to "bring back" the past that I was. It's partly because I don't want to be upset anymore about my past frustrations. One particular past frustration is to continue being the best in what I excel at. In that I forget that man changes, even though the essence of his character may still remain. Maybe I'm just not really perceptive of what those changes are, and not as ready as I should be, and also not flexible enough to take in those realities.

Whenever I think of the things that I have been best at, I fall back to the thought of the reality that there is a better one. Just now, as I try to reminisce receiving awards and distinctions of excellence, the thought that there is somebody else better than me immediately kicks in preventing me from moving any further with my thoughts. This has always been a weak point of mine.

I always look to the past glories that I was able to receive, and then think of how frail I really am that I forget how I have worked hard to achieve them. My immediate action also would almost always be to turn my attention into something else more present and calming so that my heart can flee from the fears beginning to set inside me.

In the end, the result is I don't get to be the best in what I do, I spend too much time reflecting and taking time off to recover from my concealed fears, and I stay trapped in it. The progress is so sluggish and it takes almost like eternity just for me to really wake up and learn what it is to learn.

I want to fight this time. I need to wake up from the grave that I have dug for myself. There has been a thousand and an infinite more times that everything around me is trying to pinch me back to reality, but I have been numb from them. This time, I need to feel and begin feeling again.

Things might be different now -- I'll embrace that. I will just try to figure out the new course of things and take it into my system. But, I'll also try to learn how to be open to change. Somehow, though, I feel like this is something bigger than just the concept of change. That is what I want to find out.

Hello, change. Hello, newness! Hello, how things go around today. Hello to the yet unknown way of life.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I've heard that you had better food daw there sa CSB (friend chicken, pork, etc.). Sa'men kasi, Corned Beef lang. :)) Anyway, the stranded people stayed 'til Sunday morning (around 7:00AM). Ako naman, I tried to cross the floods with my bare feet para makapag-LRT which was operational na at around 11:30AM. Dumeretso ako sa Ayala (LRT-MRT) then nakasakay ako ng free Aircon Bus pa-Alabang. Yay! :D

Anyway, DLSU turned into the ff. bodies of water:

Lake Lasalle-Amphi,
St. Joseph River,
Miguel River,
Northgate River,
Southgate River,

I wasn't able to travel around the other areas such as Gox, Velasco, atbp. so I don't know how to call them na. :)

Note: the adventure was fun! You get to cross bridges made of wooden benches and classroom chairs.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Menu of Someone with Braces.

As some of you might have known already, I had braces installed last Friday. I was expecting pain during the first two or three days, but I must say that it's entirely different once you experience the pain that the dentists warn you about.

The pain doesn't really bite unless you create an impact by accidentally hitting your upper and lower teeth together. Or when you try to bite, there's a sore feeling of pressure in your teeth. Or, when you sleep, you feel like your jaw freezes and your teeth is in pain if there is even the slightest movement. Plus, you'll have a feeling of biting, which in turn hurts you all the more.

Anyway, I went to the supermarket this late afternoon to buy me some food since I haven't been able to take in some real deal of food because of the braces. I was getting hungry too that's why I decided I'd go to the mall/supermarket. But, before that, I asked my mom who's bed-ridden for being sick if she has anything to ask me to buy since I was going to the supermarket anyway. It'll all be in just one go if there's any. She asked me to buy fruits, specifically, grapes and a fourth slice of watermelon.

So, there I went to the mall. I first stopped by at Jollibee and bought me what they call a "Creamy Macaroni Soup". It is, from trying to look for something I can eat from the other restaurants/fastfoods, what I think I can take in this 3rd day of having braces.

I proceeded to the mall and met my 2nd eldest brother with his peers. It was great because I didn't know how to pick the best of fruits in a market or a supermarket, so I asked the older ladies who was with him to help me (since my bro doesn't know anything about it either).

Anyway, my trip inside the supermarket was really nice. I actually got more than I planned to buy. So, here's a list of what would be my menu for tonight, and my snacks for my first day of classes for the second term tomorrow:

  1. Strawberry Yogurt
  2. Noodles (Lucky Me, haha, I just missed the taste, and it just seems that I can handle eating it!)
  3. Some Polvoron (which a nice lady induced me into buying because of a free taste)
  4. And, a jar of Stick-O's (which Barvi, AKA Barbara Goduco, advised me to have while in braces)

What made the grocery adventure fun is that I didn't bring with me any cash (except the 150 Pesos my mom handed me which I used to pay for the soup I had earlier, and which I forgot I had afterwards during grocery). But, it was a smart thing because my mom told me to use my BDO ATM Debit Card which I really liked. At first, I even thought that it was a bad idea, and I was unsure because I was thinking that you'd need two (2) valid IDs to use it. But then, it worked very smoothly which caused my enjoyment. Yay! :D

Okay. The only thing I regret about my grocery session today (can I really consider it as grocery since I only bought a number of things? Haha) is that I think I didn't do well when I bought the Polvoron, which I think tasted really good. It's because my sister told me that Neomi (did I get it right?) was selling Polvorons for only 60 pesos for 24 pieces, against the one I bought for 100+ pesos for 18 pieces. SAAAD!!! Okay, yeah, sad. But, I'll get over it. Hah, hah, hah!!!

Well, overall, I feel great today. Not only did I receive a great spiritual in-filling from the house of God (church, Sunday), but I also had a great day surrounded with all the blessings you can think of. Plus, I'm excited for school tomorrow, which is another just such a great blessing that God has given me.

See y'all! ;)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Stubborn Tooth (part 1)

For my whole braces or orthodontic plan, I need four of my teeth extracted to allow space for my teeth to spread nicely. Last Sunday, August 30, 2009, I had my first ever tooth extraction (I was supposed to have two extracted in one session, but only had one because of the extreme difficulty in plucking it out -- will be detailed later).

So, I went to the dentist to have two of my teeth extracted in one session. I had a total of four that needs extraction, one from each corner of my set of teeth, and it was best practice to extract two at a time, and the next two three days after the first one. Finally, the day has come that my mom finally had the time to escort me to the dentist to proceed with the pre-orthodontic procedures to give way for me having braces. We arrived pretty early at the clinic at some time before 3PM; pretty early because we usually arrive late in the afternoon.

Before the procedure, my mom asked me if she could leave me during the surgery. It was fine with me because I'm a grown up man already. But I told her that I'll just probably send her a text message if there is something she needs to know.

The surgery was finally able to start at about 3:30PM. I was asked which side I prefer to have extracted first: the left or the right; she clarified by telling me that I should leave the side where I'm comfortable eating. I chose the right first to be extracted. Then the dentist started the whole extraction process at the right side, with the lower tooth first.

On average, tooth extraction takes about 2 hours at most, especially with impacted wisdom tooth. That is the track record of the dentist who was handling my operation. Wisdom tooth extraction, especially impacted ones, are difficult procedures, but, in the case of the dentist, it only takes about 2 hours. But, what everyone failed to see before hand was that I was about to make a dental history with them for later taking more than 4 hours in the procedure.

Now, the difficult labor all began. The surgery finally commenced. The area surrounding the area of operation was first numbed with anesthesia with probably less than 4 shots. I didn't feel a lot, but I knew that the 'elevation' started. After 'elevating' my tooth, they then started plucking out my tooth with a tool. There began the extreme pain the surgery had for me; and even all the doctors who were there.

I was feeling great pain when the dentist was forcefully pulling my tooth out; I felt like my whole jaw was about to tear. Later after the surgery, the doctor who mainly handled my operation had her whole right arm numbed because of the force she exerted.

The dentist then tried to pause the operation and began explaining to me how difficult my tooth extraction was. She was also explaining how it only took her 2 hours at most to remove impacted wisdom tooth, and that mine was really difficult to remove. She showed me some x-ray visuals and explained how it contributed to the difficulty of the procedure in my case.

When they proceeded with surgery, did some more elevation, which contributed only very little to the ease of extraction, they gave up again. They described that the tooth wasn't moving at all when being plucked. It just stayed in place no matter how much force they apply in pulling it out. During some more 'elevation', however, the tooth was 'slightly moving', they describe. But whenever they try pulling it off, there is great pain as if my jaw is going to tear as it goes with the tooth they're trying to pull out; the tooth remains intact with little to no movement at all despite the forceful pulling efforts.

They asked me to rest again, this time my mouth was engorged in more blood than earlier due to more and more 'digging'. It was the time that my mom got back, and I also tried to shed a little amount of tears. In my mind, I was just really relieved that my mom was finally there, which gives me a lot of comfort. I didn't expect that the procedure was going to be that excruciating, neither did the dentists know it was going to be that difficult, and it just helped that somebody dear to me knew of my case.

The dentists began to gather together at the station where I was to help the one in charge of my operation. They all tried to help and swapped positions trying to extract my tooth. But, they all just couldn't do anything.

They finally made contact with their senior dentist, the one who owned the clinic, and reported my case. What I heard was that they were to try removing some of my bones to loosen up the grip on my tooth. It's only done when the tooth is impacted, too difficult to extract, and the likes. It sounded like an extreme effort, but there was no other choice. They explained to me that it couldn't be left like that because it'll only swell, and that the only way to finish is to get the tooth extracted.

I wasn't able to track the time at that time. I just told myself that it should go on. But inside me, I had something else in mind. I remember the dreams I had before that I had a lot of times. The dream was that my teeth were all falling so feebly like they're overripe fruits falling from the tree. I had the dream several times already and it felt like it was almost real. I finally understood that dream because of the operation, that in reality I had stubborn teeth that were really hard to pluck out.