Monday, March 31, 2008


Is respect a one-sided thing? Is one party only entitled for it? Since when has it been that the other "inferior" party should lose their dignity as human beings?

What has society made of people? What practices have they imbibed today?

Even people who wish to stray from those kind of practices can't help but be enslaved by them...

Friday, March 28, 2008

My Dreams and Ambitions: What I Wanted to Be

These are the things that I wanted to be back then. It has changed ever since.

The first ambition that I had is being an artist. Back then, when I was still really young, I didn't know how to differentiate an "actor/actress" from an "artist". In tagalog kasi, an "artista" is know to be actors/actresses. Haha. To add up to this, I wanted to create my own anime. Lots of stories and character designs were on my mind. I garnered some glowy recognitions of my own, too, at that age. I had a gold medal from an "on-the-spot drawing contest" that I can never forget. I was a top in arts from every class I entered. At least I felt so, until it faded slowly and slowly while I was growing up. My interest, because of the achievement, and the impatience, slowly disintegrated. That was me ages ago. :)

When I had the mind about things around me: the sciences and fictions going all around, the info about clones, robots, all influenced by movies, I geared up with a new ambition. I wanted to be a Genetic Engineer. At my young age, still in my elementaries, I knew the course offerings of UP Diliman, and I guess one of it is Genetic Engineering. I knew because my parents and my older brothers back then were from UP Diliman. I had a mindset that I would study there too. People say that I'm very smart anyway. I was confident.

I was confident in my childhood days; too confident that studying had not been my interest, not even once. I never figured out what studying is all about. I only knew school; that it's a number-of-years-wait, and after that, you get what you want. I was a kid with little knowledge of what's really going on that the only thing that I had was my dream of what I'll be in the future.

I studied on throughout my elementaries and, not to be expected, I didn't graduate with any honour, award, or recognition. No flying colours. It was fine with me since It's not my dream that we were talking about anyway. I still have my dream and I'm still on my way onto reaching it. Just a few more years, 4 years in High School, and another 4 or 5 in College. That's all I needed; at least that's what I thought before.

When I stepped in High School, I returned to Colegio San Agustin (CSA) where people knew me. I was a student here before and I knew lots of people studying in the same school. I didn't want to return there anyway; my parents were the only ones that wanted me to. They say that it's the best school. Upon coming back, many greeted me and was quite excited to have me back in CSA; at least I thought of it that way. I felt that I'm a popular person. It's something good to think anyway -- to give yourself some importance, make yourself something special to others, even though in reality, by yourself alone.

Back when I was in high school, I used to counsel my peers, give good and awesome advice, know beforehand what and how others around me feel, and really undestand just about everybody around. Through it, I've gained some good friends. Empathy.

I remember back then that one of my favorite albums was "Empathy" by Mandalay: an ambient, trip-hop band. I don't know how this is related, though. Haha. Sorry! :D

My dreams have changed again. I wanted to be a psychologist. I used to dream of entering UP Manila and taking up Behavioural Sciences. After graduating with such degree, I plan on being a school guidance counselor, climb up my way in being a school principal, and/or own my own school in the end. I also wanted to be a professor because I believed in forming the youth into great people. Haha. That was one of my dreams or ambitions before.

Upon entering college, in the middle to late years of High School life, my dad injected to me the idea of being an Electronics and Communications Engineer. He said that it was an in-demand course and that it was a high paying job. I think, he already wanted that for me even at my early years of high school, aside from being a medical doctor. I, too, made myself comfortable with the thought of being an ECEngineer. I was a big music lover back then, and I was beginning on planning to focus myself to digital audio system designs, layouting, programming, and the like. I was into Hillsong stuff, sound system stuff, and other digital system stuff that I was eager of learning "soon" (supposed to be) in the future.

My dad also wanted me to be a medical doctor, if possible. He was calculating the costs one time when he was telling me what he wanted or at least dreamt for one of his kids. He says that it would still pay of anyway in the long run. He has this good fancy about a man of God (a person that God uses in miracles) that was a medical doctor. That man was used by God in miracles many times. Many got healed, and miracles uncountable. That was a noble dream. I took it in mind, too. Being a doctor, in my knowledge that time, was quite a name, a title. It was pleasing to the ears. The only thing that I feared about being a doctor is the ones that are happening in the TV shows -- the emergencies, the drama, the blood. I don't think that I can handle putting another person's fragile life in my own hands that much. But, if in miracles, I could. I'm not feeble-brained either and I did good in my biology days while on 2nd year high school and I enjoyed it, not to mention me fighting with my biology teacher back then, turning her into my worst enemy before. Don't worry, before that year ended, everything turned back to normal. ;)

I still had other things in mind; other ambitions that I fancied, titles that glowed in the dark while I was in my bed thinking of what I wanna become. I wanted to be a lawyer, if not, an accountant, if not, a philosopher that writes books, vanities. I considered nursing due to my Aunty/Godmother's insistent request. She was a nurse, too. No wonder. The money pays good either. It was quite a pretty good deal, only that it's not what I wanted in terms of fulfillment.

Today, in my college days, I've realized who I am, the things I can do, and the things that I have. I'm still dreaming of things to happen, but now I've realized, it's not all about what you're dreaming. It's about what you're willing to be and how far you'll work to be able to get it. Work hard. It was my innocence back then that made me dream alone without knowing who I am. For that, I didn't enjoy the process that I went through all along.

Possibilities are infinite. Shoot for the best. Do not be too definite or sure of something because it might, in a single moment, fly away. In the end, it's all the same: achievement or nothingness. You can have it all, but maybe, not just the way you wanted it to exactly be. ;)


Your presence makes me crazy
It puts butterflies in my belly
It's funny cos it's true

I become insecure and silly
I'm freezing in your beauty
Whenever I'm with you

I pretend when your around
I try not to make a sound
I'm tame though I'm a hound

My feet're steady on the ground
When I talk, I stutter pretty loud
I feel my soul is bound

I don't know but it's just different
When I'm around my girl-friends
And when I'm with you

It's odd and inconsistent
With you I'm not so confident
Can't move, I'm stuck in glue

I guess they call it "crush"
A feel that gives a rush
Which tickles us inside

I try to hide my blush
I hide up all this trash
And just breathe out with a smile :)

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Finally, I have updated my friendster! Wahhh!!! :'( *tears of joy and drama*

Check it out here:

And, the first time after months to visit my own page. At last, busy days are turning to be over! Bwahaha! >:)

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Sometimes, people think too much of others... that they forget theirselves and their own welfare... that they lose their soul, their name...

"I've cared too much"

I've cared too much (about "you").

Now, I've realized, I don't really do care and that I don't know why I even did in the first place. Now, I'm on my own. I'm done caring for the things that doesn't really deserve my attention.

So, you're good. It's a given. What now after that? I don't see myself full and satisfied at your goodness. I can't and don't see how I will profit by and with it anyway. I don't even know you, or even if I do (or did), what is it to me?

People pass and go, and you don't really know who stays long. And those people who do probably aren't even in our life yet. What's next? What awaits our future? Uncertainty?


I don't think it's uncertainty... I just wanna call it "a perfect plan" that our minds cannot (and I do not even wish to) comprehend or fathom. I realize that [*there are] good things [*that] get better through surprises... :)

Thursday, March 13, 2008


I just "saw", no, maybe read something that I didn't really like. How am I to react? You might, if you were in my position, ask, "where is justice in the world?".

I believe justice exists -- the mere fact that we are aware of its seemingly absence, there it is.

Think of it -- is justice laid on a silver spoon? When has it, in reality, ever been like that? You know the "absence" of justice. How were you able to know it? You have eyes, ears, lips, hands and feet. Should you use it?

Hear-says. The most effortful way of gaining and attaining knowledge. Oh, I can't force everyone else to believe in what I believe in. I just hope that at least in myself, I believe right.

I wanna be a SUPERHERO

They have always said that we must "save the best for last". For me, it has become an erring principle. It has been malpracticed and/or at least, it has so far done too much damage than good in my life.

Don't put in store the things that must be done -- that is what I have learned. The more you get chances, the more you grab it. The reason why so many talented, skilled, and able people miss out on the very narrow chances of being in the spotlight is that they don't have the connections, and they "pass on" the chance for the reasons as follows: a.) be-humble-effect, b.) save-the-best-for-last.

We have just discussed in my Logic class the different kinds of Logical fallacies. One of the fallacies, named "the fallacy of accident" says that there is a fallacy committed if a general principle is applied to special cases. For example: a child was asked by his dad to stay in their house and not to leave until he returns. When the house where the child was on fire, the child, knowing that his dad commanded him to "stay" didn't move at all. As a result, oh, just guess what happened.

Some superhero might have saved that child's life, you might say. But, come to think of it, superheroes are not so common these days. We are in great need of superheroes... Define superhero -- the Jack-of-all-trades type of person who, though in all kinds of stresses and distress, still manage to do everything that needs to be done, is there for everyone that people think they don't have problems of their own, and are looked upon highly of others. Why? Cos they CHOSE TO BE SUPERHEROES. What is a superheroes life anyway? What are the decisions that they make? Are they just made superheroes for us to watch them? No. They are made superheroes because they chose to UTILIZE CAREFULLY and practically (maybe) the things that they can do and the things that they are. We are all the same, in some degree, and we must grab that chance to be a superhero in our own right too.

You can call it a superhero, a talent, a leader, a star, an "unreachable" or whatever, but I choose to call them "people who chose to believe in the things that has been given to them by God Divine."

Just don't let you brain die up on you

You may feel down, disappointed and grounded
But you shouldn't give up
You may feel like everything's crashing down on you
But you shouldn't walk out
You may feel that you're going nowhere
But know that you're on track
You may feel that it's just too much
But you just have to realize that you can do it
You may feel really tired
But you just have to see that you've gone far

Whenever you feel that all this is happening
The more you stand up
Whenever your insides wage war against you
The more you keep yourself intact
Whenever the word is all shaking
The more you get strong
Whenever you're sunk so low
The more should you see and have fun
Whenever you're running after a fearful deadline
The more you should give your best

And all these will fix itself
Just neer give up
Just don't let your brain die up on you
And let the rest be history... ;-,

Monday, March 10, 2008

I Need You

A fast scribble of expression...

I need you
I wanna run into your arms
My eyes shed tears
Just to touch you, just to have you back

Or at least be back
To the place where you are
And feel you once again
Surrounding me, receiving me

This is all I wanna do
I shut my ears
From the world outside
Until you hear me, until you cover me

You see I am wretched
Without you written in my heart
And so I need you
Cos today I realized, I am lost

Let me cry
Let me not see anything
I forget the shame
Cos all I know is you, your name

I am not the same
Cos you have made the change
This is all I want
You in me, you beside me

(I just wanna be back!! I don't know where I belong ---)

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Found: The Race of Life

I've found out what I need to search for in life.

I want to be what God wants me to be...

People think that it is through living a religious and devout life. They know too little. I, too, know little. I might even know nothing but I do have an idea.

God's ways and will is too unsearchable, unreachable, unfathomable. We can never comprehend His ways. So, how can we exactly be what He wants us to be if we do not even know what it is?

The answer is in the process. We aren't required to "know" what God wants us to be, but instead, to "BE" what He wants us to be. There is great discretion between merely "knowing" and "being". In the part of "knowing", we are failures. Who can touch or even reach God's glorious wisdom? Now, how do we "become" what He wants us to be? Simple but not easy. He said,

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost."

-Isaiah 55:1

It is through letting Him lift us in His shoulder for us to become what He wants us to be. It is through allowing His indescribable ways. It is through trusting the almighty that our human minds cannot comprehend. Listen carefully. He will speak. There is power.

Ponder this: what matters most in life's road? Is it the destination? Are we made better by the goals that we aim for? Surely not. It is the process that make us reach a destination. There is no cheating in life. You are made better by the better WALK that you walk in. And what better walk than the path were we shun all distractions along the way?

"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

- Hebrews 12:1-2


Good night!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

a boring survey. wala lang. try niyong pumili ng isang ndi typical na taong piliin and ndi funny na person (or special).

Message: Isip ka ng ISANG tao. i-base mo sa kanya ang mga isasagot mo. WALANG ibahan ng naisip.

1.) friend mo ba siya sa friendster?
- Uhh, yeah.

2.) Bakit siya napili mo sa survey na ito?
- Cos I think I need to know the person more (discover) and cos that person really matters to me.

3.) anong lugar ang naaalala mo sa kanya?
- Another realm where geographic boundaries cannot contain.

4.) anong song ang naaalala mo sa kanya?
- Madami eh. Fear. :p pwede na din yung "Train Wreck"

5.) bakit?
- Hay, typical. I wonder how people qualify their candidates (or person) for this survey. But, going back, I chose the song/s because they really uhm sink in with the thought for that person.

6.) okay ba ang height?
- okay lang. Pero, personally, ndi.

7.) magaling ba kumanta?
- I think, fair enough. Some say really lovely voice.

8.) May kamukha ba siyang artista/singer?
- I dunno I don't think so.

11.) nakita mo na siyang magalit?
- No. I can't happen to notice when that happens kasi.

12.) eh ngumiti?
- Yep.

13.) eh umiyak?
- I think.

14.) ano fave food nya?
- Wala. :p donuts?

15.) pinaiyak ka ba niya?
- Uh, no.

16.) pinaiyak mo ba siya?
- Yata?

17.) anong fav niyang sports
- Swimming. Tennis is next.

18.) anong fav niyang song?
- not sure.

19.) anong tawagan niyo?
- wala.

20.) message mo sa kanya?
- wala.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Another Page Turned

It makes you dizzy... To turn this page. After seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years of writing on it, then you finish it with a dot. A page is turned again. A new blank page. Nothing is written, nothing said.

You've built your dreams, hoping for the best. When you're almost there with high hopes, you flunk and hit the ground. Why do we believe? What are the things meant for us? Where are we headed? Where do we belong?

There are still a hundred, no, maybe thousands and uncountable pages. Nothing written. I don't know if I'd be excited or not to turn another one. It takes years to finish. Takes years to turn. And when we turn, we're left with nothing but space to write on.

When will it work? When will I keep on writing? Because the hardest part in doing this is to hold on, to go on writing another page. To hope is no joke. Sometimes when you've fallen so low and hit the ground so hard, it's just too deadly...

I do not know if we heal. But, nobody else's gonna do the healing for me...

What if...?

What happens when we lose our faith in the things that we used to believe in? In the things that we used to put our trust to?

There are things that made us believe that we could dream and reach them. But today, things just seem dimmer. It just appears like everything is a fake and everything was a joke -- a lie. This happens everytime.

Is there no azenith? Is there no sky? I have never been there, and does it really exist? Is it only an illusion? What is the use of hoping anymore?

It seems like giving up is the best solution. It appears that to move away is the wisest option. It's not productive anymore.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

funny "EXs" survey :)

(Matt's personal note, do not copy this part: hahaha, wish ko lang! Mangarap ba na may ex ka? And if that's even possible with mah state??? Hehe. Pero, sagot pa din, for the thrill and joy of it. :p)

pano pag cnabi sayo to ng ex mo? what'll you reply or how will you react?

1. bkit ba kase pinakawalan pa kita?
♥ e bakit ba naman kasi sa akin mo tinatanong iyan?

2. pede ba mkipagbalikan?
♥ san ka babalik? I mean, kanino? hehe. (pero since ako kausap mo...) Ehrm, that depends.

3. lam mo masaya ako sau noon.?
♥ alam mo, parang ndi question yan. bakit may question mark. and, thanks for saying that pala...

4. mahal pa rin kita!
♥ love is like a mystery. :p do you know what love really is? do we know what love really is??? anybody in this world does??? wahhh!!! :p (in my tiny own world, hehe)

5. sana maitama natin ung mali natin
♥ cheating yun. haha. kidding. :p better, matuto na lang sa mga mistakes, for the past can't be undone.

6. kailan nga ba tau huling nag-usap?
♥ I dunno. :p

7. pede bng samahan mo ko?
♥ sure. samahan lang naman eh. :)

8. nkapag move-on ka na ba?
♥ yeah, I wonderfully lost and I can live on with that FACT! :p life goes on! haha! elections talaga! :p (related??? hehe)

9.lam mo pinagcchan ko lhat ng
nngyari sa atin?
♥ yan na naman ang question mong ndi dapat question... uhm, i think i do too. that's why we're better off apart. but, at least let's all learn. forgive and forget.

10. d ko matutupad promise ko sau!
♥ mahirap yan. kaya we should've kept our mouths shut. there better be solutions...

11. ayaw ng parents ko sau!
♥ woah, wait. did i ask them to like me? kaya nga eks diba???

12. alam mo gumaganda ka!
♥ (or pumopogi): i'm not aware. haggard nga ako lagi eh. ninungaling. hehe. pero still thanks for the effort to make me feel good, and seeing me beautiful even in my state. bakit nga ba eks pa kita??? hehe... pwedeng y na lang? o z? wahaha :p

13. nagbago ka na!
♥ change is innevitable. hehe... sorry, i really have changed, and it's out of my control :( no matter how hard i try not to, i still do :'(

14. Mas magaling sya!
♥ ayy, malaman! hahaha. :p but, who are you to judge? judgment is subjective. it differs from one person to another. sabi ng eks niya din sa kanya iyan pala, lam mo yun???

15. sana dumating pa ang panahon na
mgiging tayo ulit.
♥ why wish when you (we) can make it happen? and should it happen?

16. may mahal k na bang iba?
♥ i dunno what love is pa eh. sorry. dats why ol dis happened.

17. bkit ba ang cold mo na sken?
♥ is dat something to ask your eks?

18. loser ka tlga!
♥ matagal na! hahaha :p

19. sana mamatay kn!
♥ then on the 3rd day, I'll rise again. haha. kidding. :'( don't wish bad. life is a gift!

20. ang kapal ng mukha mo!
♥ kelangan eh. para bumoto sila. haha. :p

21. pinagcchan kong nging tau.
♥ (i honestly think the same) *silence*

♥ gibberish

23. di ka mggng msya.walanghiya ka!
♥ selos ka lang. hehe. e bakti masaya ako ngaun? (dahil sa reaction mo, wahaha)

24. mahal kita di na magbabago yun.
♥ PROVE IT. ~nice (kay Camille ata yan eh hehe). Den, teach me wat love is... :p

Saturday, March 1, 2008

What movies (or whatever stuff) qualify as my favorite???

I don't have lots of friends, preferences, likes, and favourites. I don't necessarily have very best of friends (best friends), favourite colors, favorite dishes, and etcetera in particular. But, maybe, I do, yet I am just not aware.

Recently, (actually, you can say that it happens every moment) I've gone through some thinking and reflections about what my favourites are cos if you ask me what those might be, I'd give you blank. You'd bother me to pause a moment and think, and then realize that I do not know the answer. It would only force myself unto believing that I should have a "favourite something" like a color, and also force me to incline myself unto something. So, as a solution, I've been able to observe what I've been doing (and/or habits) and came up with the following thoughts...

First, I really like seafood. Yep, you heard right. I like those dishes, ulams that my mom used to cook when I was still little. In my younger years, I also realized, that I like the way my mom cooks. She's great and I actually miss her dishes cos the house-assists usually does that job today. I have also realized that I really want to learn how to cook because I saw how I appreciate muchly how good food cooked from the heart tastes -- satisfying and heart-filling.

Regarding movies, I can only say that a certain movie belongs to my favourites list if, in my mind, I wanna watch it again. I usually ignore the impulses and/or the thoughts in my head saying "I wanna see this movie again" or "what title was that movie? Cos I think I'm gonna watch it again and that it was great". I usually ignore those behaviour of mine. When I watch movies and I actually like it, I pay great attention to details. That's why I wanna go watching over and over again a movie that I like (although I do not have the means to do it, namely: time and such great drive or passion for movies). Great thing that I live in a time where REWIND and PAUSE has been invented, though.

I have just realized, too, that movies are actually masterpieces. I bother too much to find that "perfect" and "make-me-and-eye-feel-goody" feeling. I fail to see that set right before my eyes are actually hard-work of people of different feet and that if I could place myself in their position, I'd perfectly understand their sweat and sighs.

Much to my words, this blog is actually for a Movie that I have watched recently. That gave me the idea of what I want in a movie (thinking first of adding it to my favourites list on friendster, but, reminiscing and reflecting, knowing that in the future, I am certain that it would only be erased and be forgotten for I still haven't discovered how I choose my favourites and that there is still more to be seen and that perfect one will be the one -- perfectionism and my being reserved). I didn't make it to see the movie from the start. I began in the middle part of the movie that they were watching. I probably began watching it while I was having dinner because everyone was enjoying themselves with it. And, since the dining table was near the place where they were watching, I just joined in.

The movie I have just watched is "Juno", a delicate and intricate story that tells of a young girl named Juno who got pregnant -- and the kind of life that she has. I actually liked it and the different realities and ideas that it wonderfully and artistically showcased. I'm actually planning to write a review for it, but I don't think I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna wake up pretty early and catch up a seminar early morning in school that focuses on animation and etc. which the profs. will require daw for our thesis. Ayun. That's it. My blog ends here. :p