Monday, December 31, 2007
And so the fruitful sorrow
Seems like it lasts forever
It runs fast like a river
We just don't know
But truth'll keep it slow
Tune readily your ear
Then you'll never see it near
We just don't know
But does it really show?
We should stop our ignorance
Give the world a glance
We just don't know
But do we really grow
Will history repeat
Can't we stand up on our feet?
We just don't know
Now we're fired with arrows
When'll we wake?
Hope today we'll take the break
Writer's notes: We often make excuses that "we did not know" and we thought it would exclude us from responisibilities and accountabilities, but does it really do that?
We also have the responsibility to KNOW...
We still are not aware
Of the things that we can do
Truth lies inside of me and you
You hold the secret key
And you possess the ability
You can set this town on fire
Should you run out of that desire?
This ground needs transformation
That you accept your mission
To give them open hands
And forever change the land
The time has come to unleash that voice
We don't have the luxuries or such choice
But to be who we were meant to be
Til that, we'll fulfill our destiny
Fight these questions and uncertainty
Imbue your heart with unending energy
Silence mouths that speak you ill
Do not stop till raging waters be still
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I just got home from a Christmas Party. It was again my usual get-to-home trip where you'll get to pass through the dark woods of the village south or behind of hours. It was a dark, silent and creepy, lightly populated, developing ville in our vicinity. But, tonight, something's unusual. The road was unusually really light and the view is quite unfamiliar to my eyes. It was actually pleasant to the eyes, and it has never been before witnessed by my own two windows. It was like I was walking in a city of lightened silence and serenity, like I was covered with safety and security. I stopped a moment to look up beside me, trying to see if there were any street lights present, yet there were none. I looked up more and began to see wonder upon seeing the light-bearer at that time -- it was the moon. That time, it was really round and could be clearly seen. The place, being slightly empty yet filled with trees made it look more beautiful. The clouds beside it added to its even-before outstanding beauty. I rested myself for a while to gaze upon the beauty of that source of light above me. I enjoyed the scene, every second of it, wishing there was much time than I had to look at it, and also wishing that it was as safe as how I felt it was because of the unusually well-lighted surroundings...
I began to walk again and my brother picked me up. We went home. I unwinded and looked at the things that were in my bag and I began to put out the book I received from the exchange-gift we had. It was a Novel from Stephen King. I honestly don't read novels and books such as those, but this time, something's unusual -- I feel the beauty of reading it.
There's something changing -- actually, there's a lot that doesn't even cover this entry... I'm open -- I might taste defeat or victory, but I just want to learn... This is such a nice way to end the night... Wish I had the privilege to capture an image of the moon that time... How I wish I could've...
These are similar images of the sight. Have a wonderful life, everyone...
Images taken from:
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Cos it made you fall for me
And I love the way it draws you
Back to me endlessly
Oh I love magnetics
Explains how you drew near me
And I love the way it strongly
Binds our two bodies
Oh I love biology
Teaching me what I need to know
How you're different than I
Yet, we share the same big heart
I have all I need to know
Everything's around me
With you being here beside me
It completes my entity
Oh I love chemistry
Cos it makes me this much crazy
Because of the thought that I
Have you here with me
And oh I love candies
Cos it taught me what is sweet
Yet today I found something new (It's you)
Who showed me love that's true...
Writer's notes: I LOVE GRAVITY since before cos it tells me a lot! It's about time that I write something about it, hehehe... It's the science, bro, all over the world, that testifies for love! Woot-hoot! Yeah! Hehehe...
I ended this one with something as simple as candies, something kids are much familiar with... In the end, Love's just like that, it's so simple that it completes and satsifies you and you won't be left empty-handed... Hehehe! :)
It's amazing how you're in my arms after all
It's wonderful how miracles can happen in a day
It's wonderful how you're by my side to stay
I never thought it would be this way
I never thought we'd be one today
You were from the worlds apart, but
You showed me that love doesn't work like that
You showed me how miracles are true
You showed me that the clouds were blue
The day that the tower'ng giant fell
You taught how I can cast such spell
It's real odd that you're for real
It's real odd that you're to me this near
I thought it impossible that this day happen
Now I look stupid, I'm in your heaven
It's toxic how I smile thinking of you
It's toxic how I cry yet am over being blue
Cos you make my day bright
You brought into my life clear light (you're my delight)
In the end of the day, we're together
In the end of the day, things are much better
Fairy tales are such a tool
That made me today such a fool *blush*
Writer's notes: I wish to emphasize throught this work how love is a miracle... We can't dictate how love works, it is beyond the impossible... Love does the unexpected, it is the most powerful thing ever... As simple as that :)
This one says that a little David can make even a giant fall... That's how love is... You'll never know when and how it'll hit you. No matter how impossible you think that the two of you won't ever meet as hearts, there in the end will you be wronged. No matter how small, unimportant and unseen you think you are, in the end, her eyes still will fall for you... That's some way love works! :)
Friday, December 14, 2007
Who's gonna cover you all up
And hug you on a cold night
To protect you from harm
I wanna be your man
Who's not gonna run out of lovin'
And wipe away your tears
When you're sad and alone
There you'll know
You'll see how I see you
That you're precious
And you're a diamond in my eyes
I wanna be your man
Who's gonna stand up and fight
That behind me you'll watch
In the safest state ever
Because you are beautiful
Beyond what is physical
And now you have captured
My whole heart
Right now I am really trapped
Yet I know that I am free
I love you with my heart
Know always, here you have me
Writer's note: this is an ode written to say that, "I am here and I will protect you", oftentimes even saying, "no matter what the cost, I'll be there". That's how our minds work when we're probably in love. We say crazy things. We say the seemingly impossible, yet we see it as a piece-of-cake.
This is just to say how I want to be there for someone whoever that might be at present, past or future. Hehe... Ala lang! :)
Saturday, December 8, 2007
If only you say so
And when that happens
Nothing else matters
The only thing that I
Wanna look beautiful to
Is someone dear to me
Someone like you
You alone complete me
Nothing else matters
I miss you sitting beside me
And the hug that your body hungers
I thought before songs were untrue
But then I found it's real
Only the moment I met you
Now it's funny how it makes me feel
It's like your words alone exist
And your lips is the only language
The only knowledge there is
Now I know, you're love's whole package
I'm at my best today
And the only thing that I need to do is
To look beautiful in your eyes and say
Forever marked within me is your kiss
Writer's notes: What's important in the end is if that someone we love says and sees that we are beautiful. We do not need to be beautiful in the sight of others. The only thing that really matters in the end is that the people around our real lives appreciate us, not what others that we do not even know of or aren't really attached to our lives says so. Let us believe in that and let it be an anchor of our faith in ourselves.
Friday, December 7, 2007
And cream at the same time
It's like candy but
Doesn't destroy your teeth
It's sweeter than any sweets
And lovelier than any flower
It's jollier than any kids
And loftier than any tower
Love is like mallows
But doesn't melt down
It's a never-ending candy
That would erase your frown
I've found love like candy
It's sweet yet inexpensive
Luxurious yet free
Turning every doubter to believe
It's stronger than wine
But runs down softer inside
It's more important than gold mines
Love is life's never-ending ride
I still taste it in my mouth
The after-taste lasts
I wouldn't trade it for any other candy
Love is like sugar's tasty blast
Writer's notes: Ang mushy no? Hehe... Well, tama nga naman, ganyan ang love. Please do note the 2nd to the last stanza. It says that love is stronger than wine. It is more 'intoxicating' than wine, but it gives you a soft feeling inside in contrast to alcoholic beverages. That's just it, hehehe... Parang candy no? (Just like candy Ü)
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
That I'm not that aware of
Who was and is responsible
To be blamed for all this
It is this reality
That has forever changed me
And such has opened my eyes
To a new form of beauty
Since before I clung to you
Believed though I see not clearly
Your hands that are now upon me
Now I see are stretched fully
It is living reality
And this you must see
He's (It's) given all for me
It is admitting that this is my limit
And moving onto a new dimension
And from thereon accept it
A world of no limitation
When all in this world is open to you
And accept you with their own arms open
What liberty is there found everywhere
Everyone free, no man under slavery
Writer's notes: Yeah, this is how I describe truth. Once we accept the truth and be open with it, we are made freer. Wether it be failures or success, when we accept or face the truth, it is made better. If failure, turned right. If success, turned more.
Note the last stanza that I wrote. It says that when all the world is open to the truth, this world will begin to change. Fears will go away and deceptions and fallacies that once haunted people from moving or doing something are now gone. TRUTH!
Hahaha, honestly, one of my inspirations in writing this is when I talked to Venice this afternoon at school regarding some important stuff. She reminded me of the 'Honesty Award' that I've received in the recently held BUTIL Lasalyano (Batch 5, ENERGY!). Hahahaha... on my way home, I've thought a lot about it, relating it to a lot of stuff and I came up with a lot of insights and this poem. That's just about it. Hahaha :p
Wond'ring if you still know me
Sometimes, I get clumsy
Thinking you don't remember me already
But it's really stupid to
Continue living on something
That you know isn't true
Why don't you live on, man?
The ones I knew before
That I used to say hi to
Are still the same ones
My heart and trust I've shared to
Sometimes, it's hard to
Accept that things are not
The same things they were before
Why don't you move on, man?
But, yes, I know
Things are not the same
But the people I knew remain
I am sorry, now we're free
Writer's notes: Yep, I admit. This is SO true. I'm a very dramatic person kasi. Sometimes I OVERLY calculate things too much that I quickly judge from a particular situation or reaction that people that I once used to be close with (or at least had a connection with) are getting colder. Duh?! The stresses and the lives they're all living and I can say that? Hahaha... like I am the only person in this world... yep, that's right. That might be the perfect and exact reason why I am like that. Cos of the NEED and DEMAND for attention. Hahaha :p
Yep, admit it, everybody! Yeah, you! Ikaw din! Yung nagtatago pa! Hahaha, yes, you guys! Admit it! Sometimes we demand that attention! That comes out of us, it all shows. Some through clothing, through glamour, some through demandingness, some through doing some other things, some through sorrow, some through utter silence (but deep inside desiring attention), some others not showing it (paka-introvert talaga, soper! Hehe), and many more ways! We are all different and unique individuals that's why we have varying ways of expressing things inside us that we don't even know of (or aware of). It lies in the subconscious states of our minds or in the depths of our hearts -- our longingness for [that] attention.
I thank God that he's balanced me out. I thank Him cos though I do need attention (too at times or most times hahaha), I can consider myself luckier than some people around me who don't speak it up, yet I see it in them -- the need for love. In return, I wanna be an instrument of God to reach out to them in any way I can be and extend God's love through the love that He's given me... ayos no? Totoo yan, walang ka-mushyhan kundi complete honesty... hahaha...
Isa pang point (another point), sometimes I think that some people has forgotten me when they don't react at times that I want them too (when I'm on one of my unpredictable, expecting-[too-much] moods). But, the next days to come, only for me to find out that it is not the case. I was being paranoid. Haha... still, I love them all pa rin and I thank God for everything :)
Till here. :p
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
It's been ages that this has been an issue. Too many drivers have been complaining about 'why are we not doing anything about it or why won't even fill it up with anything'? Some drivers prefer not to drive that way and take a detour, some are okay with it -- and I am torn in between. Some drop me way far from my house while they can drive through the way and drop me off nearer. This evening, it's much worse. It was raining, I'm a bit ill, and I have nothing to protect me from the rain -- no jackets nor umbrella. The driver told me beforehand that he won't go that steep road. Good thing he informed me earlier and I had the luxury of explaining to him why we don't have much to do about it when he asked me. I told him that that territory belongs to a different village and ours is much better actually (with the recent evident road fixes and improvements). I explained it to him clearly and we both understood each other.
Sadly, though with all the conversation, the driver was sorry because he was worried about his van -- he told me that it had problems before by going that way (maybe the scratches or I just don't know). So, it is final that he was to drop me far from my supposed drop-point.
There I was, I walked out the door after I waited for the sosy fellow student beside me to excuse me with him opening his nice umbrella, while I have nothing on hand. There I walked under the pourin rain. Halfway through, I decided I'd unwear my barong and use it as my cover. I did so. I made it through and was halfway utterly wet, and halfway, not so utterly wet. I got home this time better than before. The rain was not that strong compared to last week that I went home wet all over and sickly. Hahaha...
At last, I hope this does something -- at last they know something. They can stop blaming us who live in Juana 3 for not repairing the roads that we do not own. A BIG "AT LAST"... :)
As I was happ'ly seated on the jeepney's cushiony long-seat, seated along-side with a goony or 'medyo siga or angas-type' guy wearing civilian clothes on my left and a girl in La Sallian uniform on my right, nothing special is happening -- just the ordinary 'abot-bayad' (pass the fare to the driver) routines and the 'balik-sukli' (help pass the change to the other jeepney-farers) ones.
The jeepney then was near it's first of two stops or stations. It was near Waltermart Dasma. As I was seated there blankly, there was a sudden misunderstanding between the guy beside me and the guy in front of him. The older guy (who was seated in front of us) had a problem with how the other one looked at him. The guy beside me tried to protect his ego and answered back with force. It heated up -- the older guy wanted to hit the guy beside me. My insides began to react. To cut short, I stopped the two guys from fighting and from causing a scandal. I didn't want them to fight. I told the guy beside me to keep silent and not to react -- the guy in front seemed like he's got a big problem and since he's not the real problem, he should not get too much involved in it. I told the old guy to stay cool. I asked them if they knew each other -- and to find out, they never met before. I just told them to stay cool, since they don't know each other, keep it low "na lang sana". (Oh, I'm in the lack of words to express what really happened and the emotions I felt).
At last, the old guy was on his stop. Before getting down, he really wanted to hit the guy in front and like he was some sort of a gangster or a frat member, he threatened the guy beside me that he'd be back on him... good thing nothing worse happened... good thing I had the courage to 'stand up' and speak out... good thing there was somebody who cared wether it was the right thing to do or not - wether it was their own business or not.
We are all part of a single community (so to speak of the lessons in my REED class) and we are connected with each other. Don't treat others that you do not know of as nothing. In one way or another, if they are in trouble, you can offer them a hand even up to a limited extent -- that's better than nothing done for them. Let us show concern even to the strangers around. And, no, it is not opening everything up to a stranger but showing them what being a decent and caring citizen is. "A murder to a member is not a crime to that victim -- it is a crime to the community".
Hahaha, it was a heroic deed indeed and I felt good after having been able to help someone in a simple way. But, it doesn't end there. One of the students who unboarded the jeepney left his wallet! Since I was the one nearest the Jeepney entrance, the guy near the wallet gave it to me to sort of run after the kiddo. The stude wasn't visible by that time and the jeepney has moved a distance already. So, I looked inside the wallet and found the I.D.. It was a start of something called immediate-decisions and I was really tested in handling the situation. With us was the Jeepney Driver (of course), some La Sallian students, 2 ladies, and one was from the Campus Ministry Office. The driver tried to take the wallet saying he might be sued for it and they might search him for it (which is actually a fallacy since there are lots of jeepnies there and there is no actual jeepney station or assocation, etc, and the chances of recovering lost items from one is barely 0 if not for miracles and maybe prayers :p) but we decided, in the end, to keep it in the safe hands of the school or people from the school. There is the Discipline Office for the lost and found items, and there was someone from the Campus Ministry who took responsibility of the safe-keeping the wallet. The wallet didn't contain much amount of money, though, and I hope that the kiddo was able to get home with enough money to take him there. I took some important information found at the I.D. of the student (e.g. course, year, College, contact numbers if any) and asked the name of the Campus Ministry Personnel. I immediately tried to contact some people whom might be connected to the student. I hope I get positive results soon. :)
Disclaimer: I didn't have much time to organize the thoughts cos I still need to eat and need to do lots of stuff pa eh hehehe...
Just finished an über short conversation with (Ate) Joycen (as she was our facilitator before in BUTIL). I was lucky I got a chance to even talk with her for such a short while, considering I got home late this evening and logged on my YM account for some important matters/conversations. We talked about a few things -- about how I am, a few inspiring insights, a few more things, and not to forget, DevStud (or Developmental Studies).
Developmental Studies or shortly known as DevStud, based on my limited point of view, is focused on studying 'DEVELOPMENT' per se. It may be the development of our nation, our country, or the world. And evidently, we badly need that development in our state (or nation). Ate Joycen and I have talked about a few stuff regarding Dev'tl studies and we both agree that it is an interesting course. It's not just an interesting course -- today, it is a necessity of every corner of the world (that needs development). Who doesn't need development? The so-called "already-developed nations"? Do they stop seeking any further development? Maybe not. Much more, maybe, we who are a part of a less-developed nation have a great need for such development.
Ate Joycen said that we need to know more about development especially during these times -- the post-modern time. Another former irregular classmate of mine (whom Ate Joycen also knows of) who also was a DevStud stude brought up a topic on Globalization in Terms of Information Technology for our lecture-forum -- a requirement for our class. Very interesting. Globalization + Post-modern times -- does it ring a bell? Guys, and to everyone who's reading this, we are at this current condition! And does anybody care or even do anything about it? Only a few!
Let's go back to the conversation I had with Ate Joycen. She said that it was an interesting course yet only a few choose it. "Many are called, but few are chosen", so it is. Only a very few number of population from this world knows it real essence, Ate Joycen says, and it is fortunate for one to know what DevStud is.
I told ate Joycen that if I could be a jack-of-all-trades, I would definitely hit on Developmental Studies too. The things you'll learn about the REAL world and everything -- not just technicalities that you learn in my Bachelor's Degree.
Our conversation ended with talking about someone we both knew -- a blockmate of hers and a former classmate of mine in one of my minor subjects. Ate Joycen had to go immediately yet I kinda grasped the whole of it for a moment -- and it was awesome. A seed, it is, implanted in my heart tonight...
tags: DevStud, Development, Studies
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Walking swaying while I step
I do not know where I might land
Not assured, nothing to expect
On a trip to a far away land
On my bare feet I stride
I wonder what I'd get
When I reach that place unknown
This track is shaking
Trying to ruin my within
The earth is quivering
And now I need someone to
Take me by the hand
And lift me from my place
I do not wish to walk anymore
But I wish to fly with you
In the end I grew
Afloat from the land
I can fly, I knew
When I began to see your light
Writer's Notes: I thought of writing a poem or blog about vertigo because whenever I walk at the foot bridge outside La Salle, I get vertigo. Hahaha. It's a wooden bridge. I related it to us when we walk alone in life. We are made dizzy and we need help. I figured it is better to 'fly' than walk. And of course, that is figurative. Maybe it is better if we 'flew' in this life, if we made the best of everything and not let the weight of the world pull us down like gravity. See where I'm getting at? Hahaha...I thought so...
I'd be lost here in the dark if I'm without you
Would I last long, or would I just tire
If I was alone and find may own way through
If I walked alone under the pouring rain
Carrying all the weight not knowing where to go
Without you here, what can I gain?
Would I have the strength to face [my] tomorrow?
I would go on if only you were here
I know I'll make it through if we walked together
I won't take anymore step until I have one thing
I'll only move when we're walking together
I wasn't meant to walk alone
But all these to run with you
You are inside and we are one
There I know I'm found in you
Writer's Notes: Wrote this one morning that I woke up. I was asked to run errands (to buy some food for breakfast). It was dark and raining. I thought it would be harder to walk alone. So, it resulted to this. Hehe...
Thanks to manang who was there with me to accompany me (or actually, I was the one who was accompanying her since she didn't know where to buy the best pandesal in the village. Hahaha!). I felt her (manang's) presence as important. I immediately felt the difference of being alone and walking under the pouring rain with someone there with you. The latter is WAY MUCH BETTER. I tell you. :) Kaya, people out there who are making drama and want to shut off other people from their lonely and sad lives, *batok sau* (a toinks on your head, hehe)! Think again, you hard-headed kiddo! We're here for you :) we love you!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Should I take all the blame?
Tell me now, should I?
Should I accept all the failures?
And drown myself in its lies?
Oh should I? Shouldn't I?
I'm waiting for you now to come and save me
I ask you now to come and save me
Take me to your sanctuary
Take me now, come on and save me
Oh take me, oh take me
Take me from my darkest hour
Take me now to a place afar
Where you are, where you are
(Where your love is)
Sway my eyes from seeing only imperfection
And place them now into Your true salvation
Stretch for me now your hands so mighty
And let it be my escape, my liberty
Writer's Notes: this is what happens when you're so tired, so stressed up, so pressured, so scared of the things to come (lalo na about political stuff and other responsibilities in school, at home, at personal life, and other people) -- you ought to write a song. :p
Haha...I was pondering a lyric that I made -- like I was praying. I really needed His sanctuary to cover me. Biruin mo, halos wala nako sa tamang pag-iisip while crossing the busy street of Pala-Pala, Dasma, and super big pa ng mga buses na dumadaan, that I got really scared. Sabi ko na lang, "Hay, just protect me O God, let your angels move my feet", hehehe...ayun, parang pakiramdam ko after I crossed the street (na barely mabangga ng jeepney), I felt and believe that angels really moved my muscles and moved my feet. Really scared ako nun thinking I might die or be in an accident -- sobrang into pieces utak ko that time pero I was saved.
After crossing the street, I was thinking of a melody, and lyrics at the same time. Dun pinanganak ung line na 'Take me to your sanctuary, oh take me, take me...' and I had the melody in mind. Then, I took the time to sit sa SM, sa isang bakanteng metal na upuan sa ground floor, sticking out my notebook from my bulky bag and began to write the lyrics, thinking of the melody at the same time. I repeated the melody a dozen times so that I could remember. It worked out well.
Now, as I am seated here in front of this PC, typing my blog (hehehe), I also tried to key in some chords -- Key of D. Wow, okay siya. Ganda ng result. Still finishing the chords and stuff.
Read on the lyrics, those are the complete words and thoughts and feelings that I needed to express.
You know what? After releasing, after uttering that prayer-like lyric and melody, I felt better. Parang nawala na yung bigat sa loob ko. Check out my shoutout in Friendster.com, related ata ung ginawa kong shoutout eh.
Sige, nightie-outzzz!!! :p
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Yet you show us that you smile
I can't help but ask you why
You cover up and lie
I trust in who you are
Forget things you might do
I'd patch up all your scars
I'd be there and heal you
When will you run for cover
And begin to pour it out
Tell me your concerns and anger
I'm here to help you start
You relied on what you thought solution
You were trying to conceal
Your silence seemed the best resort
But the wounds still wouldn't heal
But it all seems invisible
Your whole being like a mystery
You're too frail and gullible
Don't think you're enough free
The more you think you'd handle
Darkness becomes your master
You're sunk low in this puddle
And you're devoured by this monster
When you're so through and tired
Like in an emergency holler
May there be a hand out
So that life wouldn't be unfair
Writer's notes: Sana ma-solve na yung problema 'mo'. Pero how? Sana lang when we're all tired of this maze, this confusion, may way out when we give up...I'm beginning to get tired...ilang oras ko na to ginagawa...di ko ma-express...mixed emotions kasi eh, and divided attention...minsan, darkness becomes our master, when it should be a monster. Sometimes we dwell too much in darkness kasi it's comfortable and there seems no way out. It makes you tired pero sometimes we enjoy it -- un ang mahirap. Mabuti na ring mapagod tayo para in the end, we'd give up -- to Him...we'd give up fighting...we're done and through of doing it all by ourselves...we're done waiting for an opportunity that wouldn't really come...cos when we give it up, only then will the opportunities open...
Friday, November 9, 2007
The original link is -- http://matcieou7th.blogspot.com/
Check niyo na lang hehe ;)
In my previous post, I said that something's stopping me. I said that I'd be away muna...now, am officially back in business (as usual) wuhahaha! :) Hehe...ayun sulat2 ulit! Wahehehe...lapit na pasko, sarap gumala and mag-treat ng ibang tao. :) makes ur heart leap!
God bless everyone!
You're still not here and I'm still waiting
All this time I watch stars shooting
No hint of you, not even a warning
I stare with intent over my phone
Waiting here for a ring, a tone
I've been long sitting here all alone
Just enough to turn me into stone
I ask God for any sign
I know that I'm out of the lign
Fuzzing too much about your hands in mine
The time before that were so fine
This sure makes me so very lonely
But then I hear you suddenly call me
My gray world now begins to leave my sanity
Absconding and making me the most happy
It's been traffic, so you tell me
I've forgotten the long wait that has consumed me
You're worth the time that I felt empty
Now you're here by my side, so lucky me Ü
Writer's notes: Wahaha, di ako makatulog, it's 3:38 AM na when I wrote this one. Wala lang, gutom pa ko this time and 7:30 AM - 7:00 pa class ko sa following day, what the life? Hehehe...ang mushy no? Hehehe. Ü
When we let temptation mesmerize
If we believe the things that fool us
We are drawn to compromise
When will you stop and realize
That things here won't complete us
When will we stop to patronize
Things here that distract us
We miss out the importance
Of things around our beings (--means existence)
All because of ignorance
We're swayed from our real purpose
Let's keep ourselves collected
And away from [our] distractions
Let's cool up and believe that
We're able to resist them
Let's not allow ourselves to be
Overwhelmed by our obstructions
Let's open our eyes and see
Beauty and affection
Writer's notes: I wrote this kasi, I've reflected a lot about distractions in this life. We should live our lives focused and undistracted. We should always believe in ourselves and we must never compromise for comfort. Comfort is a fake. It is a deception. We should REALIZE BY NOW that life is no joke, not a bed of roses. Only then will we pass the gates of these fallacies and enter into REAL comfort. But, it is an everyday decision, everyday practice.
I remember before that in church discipleship that I heard this from Pastor Cora (though it may not be that accurate or precise, please bear with me):
"an action leads to a habit
a habit leads to a character
a character leads to destiny..."
This isn't pretty much the same but it's similar. Hehe...(different yung dalawang yun ah hehe) ayun, in continuation, we should always be on track of our LIFE mission and purpose, and we should not be distracted. If we get distacted, we'd be back again in life's foolish convenience and mundanity and complacency.
Let us work for a better self, always trust God (and that is always the bottom line). Let us also believe in the abilities that He (God) has given us. He wants us to use it wisely while He's away. He's watching anyway, but He's very forgiving. Let us not waste another day.
God bless us all!
Fearing things I know ain't true
Wond'ring where you might be right now
Wishing you'd be here already somehow
I try to supress this feeling inside
I believe the good things, the doubts I hide
Waiting for the doors behind to slide
Till you're here just by my side
It's been hours and ages that I sit
You seem to be not able to ever make it
But patiently, again, I put my trust
I hold onto your words, I'll try to last
I knew before what I entered into
When I let my heart [to] be closer to you
I will not blame you for whatever you [might've] done
The day again's approaching, it shows the sun
I'd forgive and I'll forget your frailty
A thousand more than the infinity
If that's not enough, I'd give more
Until you'd look me and now adore
If though to you my heart I give
And you hold back and me you leave
It's just a stage to prove [to] you back
Of what real love is all about
Writer's notes: This is about forgiveness. People [that we love] may hurt us, but that's what love is all about. (To think that I'm actually saying this, haha, I should really learn this! :p) Real love forgives and is unconditional. It asks nothing in return. Though, the right response is gratefulness, love is still giving. Hmmm... :) hehehe
BTW, this is actually a variation of another one that I wrote entitled 'Traffic'. Hehe...I wrote it at the same time with a difference in a few minutes lang hehe. :) Kaso ito, about the person failing you, and you forgive, and then comes reality. Yung isa naman, it's comedic. In the end, paranoia lang pala, kelangan lang pala ng konting trust and there you have it. Patience pays. Pero beware of false patience. Baka sometimes we are patiently waiting for what we know isn't for us (or we aren't aware yet). Hehe. :) Wahahaha, am back to bloggin! :p bleh!!! Wahehehehe
Well kailangan ayusin ang mga bagay-bagay sa buhay-buhay para maging okay-okay ang paligid-ligid!!! Kailangan ding may focus-focus, hindi basta na lang bara-bara, parang hokus-pokus dahil ang buhay ay hindi magic-magic at basta-basta lang. Ito'y importanteng-importante at kailangang araw-araw ay ayusin natin ang ating pamumuhay. Oras-oras, minu-minuto, segu-segundo, kailangan nateng ituwid ang ating mga buhay at huwag magsayang-sayang ng panahon dahil ito'y buhay at ito'y mahalagang-mahalaga...
Hay, paulit-ulit ba, napansin niyo? Oo nga, napapansin-pansin ko din iyon minsan-minsan...pero susubukan kong dalas-dalasan ang pag-pansin dito sa susunod. May mga sumusunod-sunod pang pagpapatuloy-patuloy.
Wala lang, nais lang magsulat-sulat o post-post sa bulletin board na ito at nakakamiss talaga itong bulletin na ito. Biruin mo, dati-rati'y araw-araw kang nakakapag-bukas-bukas ng prendster akawnt mo, ngayo'y hindi na masya-masyado.
Hehe-hehe...just for laughs! :D
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Lastikman reflects a true Filipino heart. He is a good image of what a typical Filipino is. He has a lot of good Filipino traits.
One of Lastikman’s good traits is his being a family person. We Filipinos posses or have a good bond with our families. We use “ate” and “kuya” to show respect for elders. We “mano” on elderly people and we respect our parents. Lastikman practices and does all of that. He loves his family so much and even balances his time that he spends in saving other people and the time that he spends with his family.
Another reason why I like to be Lastikman is his love and compassion for others. He shows kindness to strangers on the streets and with the power that he has, he chooses to protect people.
Lastly, Lastikman is a very humble super hero. Even though he has superpowers and he is above ordinary people, he still chooses to remain low and he does not abuse his powers buy using it for evil and his own benefit, but instead, he helps and saves others.
He’s a very simple person that you won’t see a trace of his superhero ability and his superpowers if you meet him by the road.
Lastikman is a good-hearted person. His good heart that he has when he’s a superhero is just the same when he’s on his ordinary human form or disguise. His heart is his greatest possession that makes him a real ‘superhero’.
I believe that if anyone has the same heart that he has, even without superpowers or abilities, they are super heroes."
Writer's notes: I wrote this for Ate Grace's 2nd grade nephew. Hehe. Just a post :)
Of this hatred, retribution, non-sense?
When we are full of anger, what's next?
Does it rescue us from these dark nests?
Doesn't it reflect inside us?
Showing how we hate us?
From this deep-seated false emotion
When will we start to wake up?
Let us begin to love ourselves
And accept our failures
Empty our hearts so full of anger
Start to listen, stop to remember
Move on from our pasts
And see the light of today, tomorrow
See the rays of new hope
Fill our eyes with real colors
It feels way better
When you stop seeing all black
Try to hear this and discover
When you remove this stumbling block
Monday, November 5, 2007
We see a library of truths
In front, a mirror showing
Not just agony but thoughts
Focus your eyes gracefully
Beyond what our eyes show
[Again] Observe carefully
Take your time, take it slow
It's a start of demise
Of your old man's reason
And it's the birth of promise
When you start to vision
When we see what it shows us
That truth is beauty
And reset our minds
From all our learning
We'll thank the mirrored images
That we used to point fingers
They are not mere lies
They show truth otherwise
Writer's notes: Sometimes [or for some, most of the times] when we see ourselves in the mirror, we don't see beauty. I wrote this so that we might be moved to see the beauty in the mirror. Let us appreciate what we have. They are not just things to hurt us, but it is a new set of learning. Forget a preset bad image of who you are. Put some value in yourself. When you see your weaknesses, don't be bothered, don't be afraid. They show beauty too. Read Romans 7:13-21. We see and feel weakness because we are 'aliens' from it. You are lucky. There are people who are numb of ill-doings. But you aren't... Put on some worth on yourself because you already have it...
Sunday, November 4, 2007
I know, it's not true
These are all lies
I haven't lost you
Why do you keep pushing
When you know it won't push through
The bars of truth, reality
The gates of such virtue?
Stop all these lying
He's left there and crying
Catch all his tears and
Start seeing him smiling
You do not own supremacy
You know it ain't true
I'll write my own history
Whatever push you do
Infuse truth in your eyes
Silence all these made-up stories
Start to see everything synchronize
Shut off all these fallacies
Writer's notes: Whenever you feel like losing in this life, in it's game, do not believe in it. Do not believe in failure. Failure is just a deception. Stand once again on your feet, practice your feet into walking till they're strong enough and until you're able to stand. Believe. Believe in Him always... Believe in who He say you are, and be aware of your identity, of that secured position on secure ground...
Of that attention you've given
Of that treatment you've showed them
Yet they recieve all of them
Some are undeserving
To recieve things that way
To be cared for that way
Because they throw it all away
Some deserve more
Yet we don't look their way
Yet we ignore them always
And a question hangs
When will this end?
When will the arrows point
Towards the right direction?
When is [from all of this,] the moment of salvation?
We wanted things that are not for us
We failed to see things meant for us
Now let us [let Him] open our eyes
And see more than our expectations
Writer's note: Aren't we all undeserving? Yet we still recieve. Let us look on the right direction, let us direct our lives on the right track after being aware of this reality. And, this isn't just us, we pour out our hearts into things that doesn't really deserve it. We praise, we worship other undeserving things too much. This time, think again. Think were that praise, that worship should really go. Who is really deserving? Reflect [on] with what you have today. Examine the things you possess. You might not see that those are things that you should treasure and truly cherish. We might not know that we have it all already yet we still look aside, not knowing what we need in life is in front of us. Open our eyes... Let 'Him' open our eyes...
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Before, I spend my Halloween day afraid (maybe) of 'rituals' that occultists do. Now, where are they? I feel love, I feel the goodness of the month, the season. It's just a step away from complete appreciation of everything in this world.
Bow, end of my 11:15 AM blog :p
This Eve is different than Halloween eves I had before. It's not at all scary were you think of ghosts to scare yourself and think that you're stupid after a while (cos nothing happens).
To top off what's different about this Halloween eve, I'll include the reason because it had a meaning for the first time. It's kuya Pao's birthday today, and that is someting special. He's the only person I know whos birthday is on the drop of November 1. That's a spark of life in it, adding colour to that day, adding meaning, adding much significance.
Aside from meaningful and special birthdays, I've gone out in thinking of ghosts and spirits. I've discovered new and much interesting significance for the day.
Here they are (people approaching). I think I've said enough to call it a day.
God bless everybody! :)))))))))
I gaze towards the grayish clouds
They're really dark and block the sun
It's quiet there's the lack of fun
But I stare again around me gently
I examine things that are beside me
And now I can see the inner beauty
Behind the fogs of reality
This darkness is only for a season
In all that happens, there's a good reason
Let us explore the sides of colors in the skies
Beyond the walls that cloud our eyes
In every season there is beauty
We just need to unlock it like a mystery
Let us adjust the lenses of our eyes
To see [the] real beauty in its disguise
Seasons of sorrows in the brink of night
And laughter in the height of daylight
They're all just the same being
Just one in different clothing
It is such a great and wond'rous discovery
When you begin to see the real scenery
Behind the things that sometimes seem
To temporarily rob our serenity
Writer's notes: I've shared this to the Birthday boy of today, este, Birthday king pala hehehe. I've told him about my [this] reflection before, greeting him in advance for his birthday.
It's about time there is life in what I'm writing, not just mere exercise and expression. Dead naman hahaha.
Eto pala yung original na dapat na i-gift ko (simple gift actually) para kay Kuya Pao, compared ba naman sa worth niya sa'ten diba? Ahehe. (Oo nga naman, come to think of it...) hehehe, at may mga reflections and realizations pa? Galing talaga.
There's always lot to learn (and that is to sleep na siguro, I guess hehe. 1 AM na naman, gising pa rin!).
God bless everyone and to the special birthday celebrant. May he feel special and stop denying it! Hehehe :) Cheers for him! :)
He's a wonderful gift
You might think that it's awful
[to be] Born on months like this
But You should see else
See what he possess
The beauty of November
Epitome of [its] goodness
November may be dark
Silent and mysterious
Yes he is, but
He's also way wond'rous
He devoted his time
And shared what he had
And what more wonderful gift
Could ever match that?
On this day of his remembrance
We're thankful he's here
A gift of God to everyone
Let us give him a cheer
We will wish you a candle
On this special day
May we see more hearty laughters
Happy Birthday! :p
Writer's Notes: This is for Kuya Pao, gumawa ako ng completely new poem and I really just expressed appreciation. God bless him always and speaking of blessings, EXCEEDING blessings in the high places! San ka pa? Hehehe :)
Muli, yappy Birthday, este, Happy Birthday!!! (There's the word 'happy' oki-doki?) ahehe :D
Comment naman kayo jan oh, mga makakaview! Hehehe
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Like words indescribable, they are splayed
They give their all in what they do
It warms my heart as I see [them] sashay
This beautiful scenery cannot be compared
In any event, I've seen no such array
A momentous oblivion to be able to comprehend
Such beauty, such wonder in its special display
On a stage I watch as they expose
I see them move, they're doing ballet
Even though I can't move much like those
I cannot stop but with them, too, sway
Let us appreciate true work of art
Let's not forget to praise such a deed
Every element present, might, soul and heart
An art incomparable, great art indeed
Writer's notes: At last, I've discovered appreciation for this beautiful art called dancing. I've overcome a bar of disliking the art of dancing. It started to bloom when I had a very nice talk with Andrei while having meryenda/lunch in Chowking. We had a great talk talaga. Hehe. I shared my insights and also let him just talk lang about dancing and a few other stuff. I just let him express his reasons or internal outlook on dancing, and I just let it sink inside me de eply. And yeah, it seeped down through my veins. :) It worked well -- a success!
He showed me the dance video of Pointes N Flexes Dance Company, De La Salle University - Dasmariñas' institutional dancers. They performed for the Anlene dance event -- truly, a great honour. :) It was an awesome parade talaga. Galing, my eyes really bounced in admiration and real awe. Ayun, galing nila hehehehe. Now I really wanna learn to dance! Hehehe... :)
Am still awake, it's 1:22 AM na in the morning, and doesn't feel sleepy at all. Here, I decided to blog-record-journalize this thingy/happening/present event. Hehe...
I've a lot of thoughts inside... Wanna express them... Haayyy buhay :c hehe
Night everyone! (I'm talking to nobody but air) hahaha :p
Buzzing out! ENERGY offline! :p
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I've been in front of this laptop for hours already, only taking a few whiles of rest in between. I still am not finished doing something else important. Distracted. A lot. BTW, I've composed a song, a nice try, it was. Ahahaha. There are a lot of thoughts! :P
Just nothin' ahahaha ;p xoxoxoxox
It is still a question why there are still existing monkeys today if claims say that we came from monkeys or apes. Wouldn't they have evolved? Aren't all species today survivors? And to survive, they must evolve right?
Speaking of survival, why are there extinct species today? And the dinosaurs, why are they dead? Wasn't there creation after calamities in the past? And talking about extinct species again, why didn't they just evolve into other beings instead of being extinct. Now, only bones and dust is what's left of them.
Is Evolution really the right explanation? Or is it Adaptation? If we look on the real picture and the world today, there's this thing called 'race'.
We can relate the attributes of having a 'race' in the animal world, too. There are variety of kinds of animals that belong to a similar group. And if we dig on it more, we can see that their differences are connected to whatever places they came from. For example, dogs: go to siberia and you'll find siberian huskeys. Go to china and you'll find a different one. The only thing today is 'importing', that's why we have the luxury of seeing various breeds locally. People before invented/discovered trading.
Speaking of trading, people also used to 'trade' not just material things and/or animals. They started 'trading' people too. This is also called as a thing named 'migration'.
Adaptation is one of the basics of genetics, probably. I remember an example in the Bible during the time of Lot and Abraham. There was this seperation of lands and properties and one party wanted to take a portion of the good 'unspotted' sheeps. It is actually amazing how intelligent people were before. It just shows that science existed time before and it not only exists. It co-exists with Biblical truths and reality. One party (I think it was Lot) gathered the sheeps and mated them in front of a 'striped piece of wood or object' and they bore 'striped' offsprings. To cut the story short, it just shows simple genetics. Let us combine that genetics to one aspect -- our locations.
There are different climates, atmospheres and environments in different places. Thus, the need for different bodies, containers, etc. The need to adapt. I am not a scientist nor a biologist so excuse my limited terms and ways of expressions in this kind of stuff. Africa is a generally hot place, and people there have dark skin -- lots of melanin to protect them from the sun. Americas, Europe, Other northern Asia, etcetera are cold places. People there have white skin, lesser melanin -- adaptible to the cooler weather. And I could state all other countries too. This is, I think, a result of adaptation. Lots of years, maybe thousands, or more. I cannot give figures. But, this formed differences in characteristics of humans -- but they all still remain as humans apparently.
I remember the story of the Tower of Babel from the Bible. It was a historical event where different languages started. It is a symbolic sign of the beginning of different races too. Babel might be a whole era, not just a short succession of years.
There are a lot other factors too that have solid basis. Adaptation is a very apparent thing, much ingored by scientists and researchers. Evolution is more like a myth, fiction, from nowhere created by modern man. To think of it, ancient people might be more intelligent that today's men. We might have technology, but they might have Atlantis and a whole lot more. Ancients are great. They are a mystery.
I dunno how to end this blog ahahaha :p I'll just end it here! I still have something to finish waahh ahahaha xoxox
At times, I really have a hard time eating when there's people around. I don't know. Maybe because my mind is on them and not on the food I'm eating. I really struggle to finish my plate.
I hope that as I say this, I empty msyelf of this feeling, this experience. Maybe I just need to release this. After this, I promise that I am going to see things way different than I view them today. Maybe it's what causes me to lose appetite. I'll just ignore too much detail and let things the way they are -- and of course, do the things that I should.
Have a happy eating time! (Good thing this dinner time, I ate tons ahaha Ü) Bon appétit! :p
Oh yes, you see I am
I am on a struggle to
Keep this fire, this burn
Are they just like those?
Or are they so much more
Than [just] lessons that we learn?
The test is on the afterglow
If you'd keep the flame ablaze
The real battle begins
When we reach the end
C'mon now let us fight
With torches as our light
Keeping our insides ever bright
Let it radiate all on sight
Let us keep this inferno burning
Until we spark on everything
And light up all the world
~this is actually an afterglow reflection of the recently held BUTIL Lasalyano. Keep the energy! Don't be fooled by our sight! Believe in ourselves and do not fail to trust in what we can do and what we were equipped with. ENERGY! God bless! :)
And stand firm on the strength that I know I possess
'Cos I know it'll tear my world into pieces [anyway]
If I let this fear consume my happiness
I'll refuse to believe that now you might be gone
And hold on to the things that you've done
Let me hold my breath to be able to run [after you]
On this path of torns, scorched by the sun
A simple smile might be your solution
That'd save you out of your own distraction
I pray that you'd see 'round all the beautiful creation
And with my last breath I'd give you [my] full passion
I might be crying now, so you might see
But I know after a moment, from that sorrow I'm free
I will try to forget all my misery
I'll do what I do best, I know then you'll remember me
So don't you forget to give a simple smile
To everyone you might meet on the road
Though they be strangers you've met on the isle
Flash that smile, you'd ease down their load
For the 1st part: it says there that I'll decide to keep my smile, my energy, the glow inside me, and the strength in me and I'll decide not to be affected by the things around me. I should believe in myself and the stregth in me. They'd put me down anyway and my world will fall into pieces if I entertain those destructive thoughts.
For the 2nd part: It's for someone that you love or cherish or someone dear to you (special to you). Don't believe that they're gone. Don't let your eyes fool you. Have eyes of faith, but always tune in to the Lord (or to God) so that He'd give you direction. He'll inform you of the things you've done wrong and send you back to the track. Believe in the good things that were done. Also, sometimes, we must hold our breath to bear the pains and the stressful or difficult situations that we're going through. Soon, we'll realize that we've gone beyond that tribulation, that difficult road. You'd realize you're far ahead na pala. :)
For the 3rd part: Sometimes, we just need to 'smile it all away' and we'd get through. Smiling at times gives strength. It's a radiation of what's inside you, the energy within you. Let it glow. In the end, you'd be able to appreciate the things around you and be able to give your all in what you do and are supposed to do. :)
For the 4th part: Just read on na lang hehehe. Basta, tinatamad nako i-explain eh. Hehe. Maybe next time na lang. :p kulet!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Smoking is not a sign of maturity. Most adults are non-smokers. Many who do smoke wish they'd never started. Real maturity means standing up to social pressure.
Just a tip, guys. Smoking is a struggle, but it can be overcome.
*American Cancer Society
*What You Need to Know: Younger
Students Still Smoking"
that you have...
This is a personal choice, this is your own decision. But, in any struggle that you would have, do not forget people around you who are willing to be there by your side to share that struggle, and share the weight. You do not need to lift all the burdens all by yourself. We're always here to listen.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
So I won't fail-remember
I don't miss the details and
The good there was forever
I don't want me to forget
Lives I've met before
Names and smiles we've shared
Even tears and laughters on the floor
If I ever do forget your name
When in time we ever meet
Just holler up on me
I'd greet you on the street
Inside I fully know
I've met you time before
Just you wait till I recover
Your name from my stash of slumber
You possess distinction
I know the inside-connection
You've marked something inside
Forever in me It'll reside
Who cares for just the same
At times that you forget
Where you are, just call my name
When at times that you doubt if
Anyone loves you, here am I
No matter how it's hard
To make you know, I'll sacrifice
I'll prove it just you stop
Till your tears now pause to drop
Though there's nothing in return
But see your smile begin to churn
I'll treasure you forever
Though may name you might not remember
What matters is that I've
Been there even for a while...
It's been rainin all around
Nothing seems wrong
And without notice you released
Blades of venom to entrap
When one moment you arrived
My whole being now collide
You see I am crippled
By the words that you've aired
I am devastated, but
I know you wouldn't care
Will I choose to surrender
And give in to the lies?
Or choose not to be so tender
But stand up, yes, arise
I've healed my hands, and I
Chose not to be mesmerized
Who are you anyway to
Dictate what I am about
But I don't blame you
'Bout anything you've done
This is my fight, and
I'd be strong and just as hard
Time to move on and
Heal my crippled limbs
If I ever lose my feet
I still have my arms to move
As long as I remain just down there on my knees
As long as I don't believe in my own ability
But only see the strength of others, I will fail
I wouldn't discover the beauty of this life
I wouldn't know the gifts that I have [that are mine]
I wouldn't be able to go on any further
Nor be able to finish the race that I'm
We were made to discover who we are, not just others
It's high time for us to believe also in ourselves
Why don't we start to trust in what we can do
Soon we will realize that this world's full of life
If we draw in strength from the inside of our hearts
We'll be able to help not just others, also us
Just see the gifts and talents there may be
And don't ever lose grip, believe what you see
You are here for a reason, you have something to return
Do not ever betray yourself or ever be ashamed
If ever you forget your purpose in this race
Remember always that you also own a name
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I do not ask you why
You should have known already
What you have just wouldn't last
You've done the same before
Don't you ever wonder why?
You've been in the same place as you were, yet
You've never reached beyond
Look what you have today
Reflect just for a while
It's time to choose some other way
Ain't it enough to change your style?
Change is knocking
Offering you a chance
To start your life anew
And render a new glance
It has given me the same
Though I've fallen lots
Do not waste it and please learn
In the end you'll long it's touch
Makes it okay
Small waves that they make
Make me forget all the pain
A still gaze of silence
The absence of motion
Except a drop from nowhere
Making all the notion
It stills my heart
Reminds me to breathe
And catch a glimpse
Of what made that mist
Shower over all of me
Wash away the uncertainty
Sprinkle in my eyes
And quench my thirst for sanity
I forget my cares
I begin to hear the sounds
I now fix my stare
See the beauty all around
I might have lost my soul
But only for a while
Makes me see daylight
Wake up and make things right
I've heard whipsers
But I won't be moved
I'll stand in place
People have daunted me
Telling harsh words
Will I choose to believe it
And sway from my goal?
We're all in this struggle
I know I'm not alone
Let's all stand together
That no-one might fall
It's been until today
That you've all been there
All your hands at grasp
Still holding each other's
Though some are first
And some are behind
I see clearly
We've cared for everybody
Just proves something
That each one's strong
I'll always remember
All our hands together
That no one let go
Till today it's there
Let's not be confounded
By life's ill whispers
Believe in ourselves
Press on to our goal
We are here for each other
We are never alone
Our hearts are joined together
We're many yet one
When you hear life's whisper
And hear her stop you
Just you remember
We're all here for you
Ignore her whispers
Stay on place
Just recall your goal and
Keep on running the race
Copyright note: anyone from BUTIL can repost this as long as there's a relation to BUTIL. For other purposes, please contact me at email@example.com
God bless!!! More power! Energy!!! ;p
Sunday, October 21, 2007
BUTIL has shaken and changed a lot in me. It has planted real 'seeds' in different areas of my life. It has challenged my whole being -- physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, in short, all of me.
In order to recieve something new and great, we have to be emptied first, so that we are able to recieve new 'seeds'. Replace the old ones with the new ones, in short term, and renew the old ones that are worth having.
BUTIL has challenged my body to become better. I adjusted to the new atmosphere, new set of activities, new and productive routine. In the morning, it has trained me to wake up early, and then exercise. I'm such a lazy person, and exercise is in my dictionary. Only that I don't read it. In BUTIL, I've learned to do what I was supposed to do. Things like exercise are good for the body, but if you don't do it, definitely there's no benefit from it.
Another physical struggle I've went through BUTIL is my eating habits. I virtually skip breakfast everyday. Due to waking up late, I lack enough time to eat right food. I rush myself and go to school with nothing to fill my tummy. I do that everyday. I've adjusted my body to bear the day without breakfast. Whenever there's no school, I exchange breakfast for a chance to use the computer. But this is not the case in Charles Huang Conference Center (CHCC), the venue of BUTIL '07. There was the absence of computers, and also, the absence of studies. Thus, no need to rush. And I've been waking up miraculously earlier than I normally do. During meal times in the morning, even at lunch, I had a hard-time eating, and finishing my plate. I always end up as the last one to finish my meal. I was literally 'struggling', struggling to finish my food, something that I don't usually do. I've been used to not eating, now I'm doing something 'forced'. But, this wasn't such a bad thing. Actually, this is happening (all the struggles), because I'm re-adjusting my body to a better, normal habit.
Thirdly, I had a day of productive activities in CHCC. At home, I used to just sit in front of the computer all day long, and ending the day, also in front of it. In contrast to BUTIL, I had a very fun day full of activities. And mind you, those activities are not just mere activities, I've learned a lot from them. I've learned a lot new things -- from socializing, opening up, sharing, and a whole lot stash of learnings. I've changed from an ordinary day computer person, into a dynamic day learner.
Also, I have learned to DISCIPLINE my sleeping habits. I've learned to weigh things that needs to be done, and so, manage my time more fruitfully and productively. Managing your time leads to more productivity in all aspects -- physically, emotionally, spiritually, and more. Unlike my everyday 'dusky' sleeping time, I've adjusted my body into sleeping when the need arises. I usually sleep beyond my need -- even when my body is angry telling me that I need to sleep. I do unimportant things. But, due to what I've learned from BUTIL, we should learn how to decide, to get things done. Now, I have more will-power to say 'no' to things that I shouldn't really do, and give way to things that I should. I've been more productive, too, in sleeping times. Rather than doing unimportant things, I've done important things, and have sacrificed lesser time of sleep to give way for necessary stuff.
Mentally, I've been trained. Unlike a regular day of mental focus on computer stuff and the net, I've been stretched to tolerate much diversity of thoughts. Before, I was limited to only things in the computer, and regular school days. But, BUTIL has added more. BUTIL is a treasure of thoughts and much learning.
Emotionally, I've felt much secure, and the much-needed rest I longed for in the past season, the stresses from the final term, the personal struggles, from all of them, I've been rescued. I had the NEEDED seclusion and reflection that I needed. Not just that, I had a lot more. What a very nice bonus. The blessings are overflowing.
I'm naturally a loner, aloof, secluded, isolated, whatever you may call it. But, right now, I want nothing more than to be with the guys/gals I've been with. I've achieved a lot with them, and SO appreciate how we got there by all the collaboration from everyone. I've really learned to appreciate the presence of everyone being there, because they make things happen. MAN IS REALLY NO ISLAND. It was like a slap to my face that I remember in my younger days, highschool days, that I used to escape class-meetings where you'll be with everyone to work for something. I used to say theyr'e just waste, they're not important and all, but now, I've really been opened up to new colors, new glimmers, new light, art that shows that I need them more, and that they're there for me. I can do nothing more but to be also there for them in return. This is a start of a new era for me, a new age of participation, an age of involvement.
Honestly, I really didn't think that I'd be able to get along good with the two of three sides of people there. All of us boys were put together in one room. If I were asked, I'd categorize us into three: 1. Angas-people or macho-men, 2. Femme-roomies, 3. Average Joes. Inside my head, we were grouped and there was division. I had a preset mind that we won't be able to jive together. I've also labeled myself to only be able with the 3rd group, the average, not-so-loud guys, and normal joes. I WAS WRONG. We turned out to be one. We enjoyed each other's company, and I can see no trace of hypocrisy in each face I know. We ENJOYED each moment we were there together. I learned to appreciate the 'femme' side of the boy's group, and discovered how much they wanted to socialize too with the other side and be given a chance to be one, and the macho-guys, the tough men in there also loosened up of their staunch image. They LEARNED to appreciate the softer side of the room. Actually, they weren't that offended by the so called 'ENERGY' of the femininity of men. They saw that they brought in life and warmth to the room. They've all adjusted. I, too, as an observer was fully fed with joy from the heart. My heart would blow from all the joy, all the goodness that I saw in every individual.
I didn't discover only the differences of guys in my stay at BUTIL. Actually, I was 'so-lucky' enough to be included in an almost girl-and-a-half group. Of 12 members, 9 were women, and 3 men. Two of us men were actually on the 'softer' side. When the group came together, I sat there struggling to be as far as possible. In my mind, I was underestimating the group I was in. I waS feeling so unlucky and think that we were so weak. Haha! I was again wrong! In the end of BUTIL, we actually landed next the SUPER ENERGETIC group in the event, landing only 10 points behind. I've discovered the uniqueness of each one, each girl, that they have something in store for the group. We did really great, in contrast to what I expected that we won't be able to do much good. Actually, we did really great in several activities and won several 1st places. Not to mention other individuals in the group obtaining namely or specific awards. Not so bad for the girliest group in the event. We were strong! But, what I enjoyed most is that in every activity, I learned more and more, from each one of the group, from the activity itself, and from how I performed in each of them.
I won't forget to mention the God-given men and women who guided us in our stay in BUTIL. Ma'am Arlene and other staff and lecturers were there, and also, my [our] FACIS!!! I really love them all and have learned a lot from them. They're individually different, but each of them have something to put in the table of learning. I love that they devoted themselves, even if they see that there is a possibility that they might not have given us MUCH. They're wrong IF they think that way!!! They've given much and I know that what they have sown will return to them bountifully. I thank them for sharing what they have for me, an average student who detest activities like this before.
There are a still lot more in BUTIL. It's crazy, I feel like I'm still in BUTIL even though I'm right here sitting in front of the computer. God really blessed me with BUTIL. I've been completely turned around. I owe this all to everyone who was there, and especially God. I also have a confession: I BADLY wanted to transfer to another school, and have tried to do so. Today, as I reflect, I realize that I wouldn't experience this all if I have gone to what I wanted. De La Salle - Dasmariñas is a gift of God to me. The Insitution and all there is.
Spiritually speaking, BUTIL isn't left out. In my stay in BUTIL, I've experienced a lot of God's grace. I have just been in the jungle, the wilderness, the desert of life before I got to BUTIL. My first morning in BUTIL and the day before, I've been really down and uninterested (in BUTIL). There are reasons for the 'down'. But, what I didn't expect is that God spoke to me, showed me signs, made Himself present in such an activity that I, honestly, might have underestimated. My whole time of being there was filled of prayers, and the prayers multiplied. I prayed more and more, and brought it more. The spirit I had before in prayer and closeness to God returned with BONUSES. I am now more prayerful today than I ever was. I always thank God because I know that whatever I achieve or do good, it is because of His providence. He's really good, and I see Him in everyone of the participants, the Facis, the Lecturers, everyone around the serene surroundings of CHCC. I saw Him in the face of everyone that I thought I wouldn't be able to talk with and have a connection with.
Everything that I've learned in BUTIL, I have definitely brought home. I remember one lecturer/speaker in our BUTIL sessions that Training is much lighter or easier than the real world. He cautioned us to be careful when we're out there, and keep the things that we've learned. I've definitely done it internally, without any struggle. It's like it was strongly instilled inside me by those who have gracefully given away these things. I've really learned.
There are a still lot more in BUTIL. It's crazy, I feel like I'm still in BUTIL even though I'm right here sitting in front of the computer. God really blessed me with BUTIL. I've been completely turned around. I owe this all to everyone who was there, and especially God. I also have a confession: I BADLY wanted to transfer to another school, and have tried to do so. Today, as I reflect, I realize that I wouldn't experience this all if I have gone to what I wanted. De La Salle - Dasmariñas is a gift of God to me. The Insitution and all there is.
God bless us all! I know that BUTIL today is very much empowered! Soar high! Soar with spirits!!! ENERGY!!! :) Ü
I cannot see
But what I know is
You're all there for me
I don't know where I'm headed
But one things for sure
You won't ever let go of
My hand and leave me
Whenever I am alone
When you're away from me
I refuse to believe
The things that I see
I close my eyes
And remember the days
And I begin to feel you
I hear you near me
Do not fear these blindfolds
Though you can't see
Cos our senses at times fool us
And tell us deciet
Believe in others
Believe in me
Just close your eyes
And begin to see...
Friday, October 19, 2007
Right in front, a temptation.
Knife of knives
Handed, in a table,
Waiting to be picked up.
You haven't learned yet, maybe
Of the thing called mystery.
You're in between
Pulled by heaven and earth,
In the mid of time and space.
This state of decision,
Causes all the confusion.
This art, this void,
This ever changing form.
We are strangers from reality.
Stop time, stop all else
This time make it right, make sense.
Rest your head from thinking,
And your body from distress.
Know that it's all taken away, and just give it away a kiss...
don't you ever sell yourself.
You are a person of wit and ability;
don't you ever doubt.
You are a person of might;
don't you ever get weak and feeble.
You are a person who possess enough gifts;
don't misuse them, but use them to help others.
You have always impressed me;
and where and why the reason to doubt in yourself?
You have always been great;
why can't you just believe?
You have always been good;
why do you not see?
You have always been best, and all balanced out;
you're perfect in His eyes and mine.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
As long as we don't learn
As long as we remain
Who we are, just the same
There won't be real love
And we miss a lot
We miss the chance to have
That life-long kind of love
Let's not let it hurt
Till we start to learn
Let's not be this dumb
Till we grow the same, just as numb
Let's love right
Let's learn from [t]His life
So that in the end
We know how it feels like
Let us not love
With [just] an Ordinary love
You won't find it in me
Nor in the way that you love me
It's no different than ordinary love
But His' is not the same
You won't find it this way
That you've done the same before
It's a different experience everyday
Like nothing ever dared compare
It's not just in the streets
Nor could you find it here
But It will find you there
Only have you wait
Take your time to learn
Your precious time to wait
You still have a lot in life to know
Let it teach you, let it grow
Till it find you there
After searching everywhere
To rest itself again
In a room you've left to spare
Nor know where I should go
For I am trapped alone
And I am cornered in this shore
I am responsible for this
And I'm to be blamed
I simply cannot boast
Of anything I did
I knew then but I still
Went on turning my ear
But now I am aware
I'm sorry I've [gone] astray
Save me, Jesus, here
From this mess I'm in
This mess I've done and
This mess that I can't clean
You have that flow alone
Of living well I need
To cleanse me, my whole soul
And quench my thirst and fear
Save me, Jesus, cos I can't
When I've sunk in this puzzle's wave
And have nothing left to say
But Jesus, Your name that saves
But You can wash it all away
You can make me new again
You've that power in Your name
When You died and rose again
I call out again
Hoping and not failing
To believe I am
Already answered as I pray
Of tears and silence, dust
In a closed room of
Muted squeals of pain
Where no one else exists
Except a pillow, You
Where no one's there to hug
And no one's there for you
Tis' one friend left
One without a breath
But will carry you
The night of stars and blue
When you badly need that hug
But no one's there for you
There it would be
Still waiting, left for you
No matter how tight
Or you press on it so cruel
Would it never try react
It's just a simple tool
A pillow's a dear friend
There when you're in need
When you're all alone it is
By your side, will give you peace
To guide you in your sleep
And sponge up all your tears
Is just a deed it do
It's always there for you
Read on. The one before this post, and the few succeeding (3) entries are the ones that I did (typing it right away from bed).
I've slept so late again. :) But it's okay, it paid off :)
To the original arms of love
Where You have found I
In a night filled with stars
I've fallen back again
And I will ever be
Till I return to where
I belong, where I don't fear (It's unto thee)
And I have realized
That I am always wrong
If I try to run away
Cos in Your arm's where I belong
I am glad that though
I've fallen this much low
It's in you I've land
And I am on safe ground
I've known this always
In Your arm's where I am safe
And I am much more sure
That It'll be my resting place
It will never really end
How bad I want to say
For I am in deep awe
In Your arm's where I belong
Knowing this one thing
That if I ever dream
In my nightmare you'd be there
And rescue me again
It's the safest arms that I
Have ever known and is
But, though I am afar
It's in You I'll still belong
Friday, September 28, 2007
And as I get near
I lose more and more of me
Til I've nothing left
You are a flame
And Your fire's ablaze
And if I'd get near
I've no choice but burn
Burn me, burn it all away
Form me, til I am as glass
And radiate Your light through me
By Your fire I am refined
You have burned all
Leaving no trace of me
You have consumed me
Til I've nothing left
I was covered with thorns
And it concealed the stone
I'd either escape the burn
But I'd rather turn to gold
Thursday, September 27, 2007
With these broken lines
I am thorned and
My insides do hurt
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Endless confusion appears
Brought by these broken lines
And I do not have the solution
For they point out to destruction
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Will you not stop this
Mess and turn it into bliss
Will you not choose real joy
Than to hide behind these toys?
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm fed up and tired
Of everyday believing
The lies that you drew
From beginning when you knew me
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Heaven is waiting
I am too, for so long
To revive from this mess
That you've brought from the start
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Re-draw these broken lines
Make a new one
This time, point it up
Do it right this time
- - - - - - - - - - - -
I wanna wake up again
Cos this seems all like a dream
Let's make a start again
This time without any lines
The game than to choose
Something worse like to lose
Someone like you
It'd feel like thorns in my heart
And a big rock on my back
To feel something like this
If I'm losing you
I would never want to lose you
Nor ever say goodbye
But if I ever do
I'd be thankful I found you
I'm not willing to lose you
Nor try to loose grip
But if they'll ever take you
My heart please, bring with you
I won't lose you
Cos you'll take me with you
That wherever you'll go
I'd be there ever with you
Sunday, September 16, 2007
And You see a lot of crowd
You want a place inside but
This place is filled with cloud
This room is all messed up
Want to pick up all the trash
I want to fix it all up
But I [just] don't know where to start
I want to let You in
But there's no more room that's left
I will dispose my trash
Cos I want you here inside
I didn't want Your help
Cos I thought I'd do it all
But You told different
And You took me in Your hold
I have lost control
It only gets worse
Empty me today
And fill me like a purse
So that I could follow You
And bear what You bore
Knowing this one Truth
That You did it all before
Friday, September 14, 2007
You are a bright shining star
You may bring beauty in the night
But you are fallen from above
You speak beauty
You show love
You display wisdom
But only just in form
You fly up the sky
Reaching such great heights
You showcase yourself to all
But you crash down the base
You are a fool from the stars
You look good in your mistakes
You look all that beautiful
But your feet are of the dust
You have tried thousand times
And you have failed all the more
All these just points to one truth
That you shouldn't try anymore
You have forgotten the faith
You were a fool from the stars
But you remembered
You trust Him once again
You're still beautiful
You look good in His eyes
And you belong to Him
You little fool from the stars
Saturday, September 8, 2007
That bright morning Star
I recieve the joy
And that hope that I'm looking for
When I wake another day
And breathe in air
I feel I am healed
All my scars are gone
I rise again from deep slumber
And gleeming rays blinds my sight
It enters deep making me remember
How you have healed me by Your light
Everything's new I can strongly say
Giving me strength throughout the day
And when I feel weak Your hands You stretch
Once again I am saved
Friday, September 7, 2007
But I'm still crying
Looking back over the times
That we were in the best terms ever
It can't stop till I get the answers
To the questions I ask all day long
And the reason why
All of this is happening
But yet I believe
It won't end that way
Or at least it's not the last of it
And that things would get fixed anyway
Fix me, please help me
I pray may You give me more strength
And when I can't do it anymore
Please take over
Cos I know and I believe
That it won't end that way
In you I'll have my last breath
And You'll carry me onto tomorrow
Let me see the sunshine again
Bright on my face
That light rejuvinating my inside
And has given my soul new life
This is goodbye
And hi at the same time
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
In the lost for words
I'm in need of expression
A dose of release
So that I could speak of my confession
And add up to my relief
This is just just a fling
Maybe, with reality
And all the seconds passing by me
So that for a while the moment I could catch
The memories so beautiful
Like a firefly in a jar
I don't know what to say
The Truth has saved my day
And I don't know if I fear
Or my smile might just be queer
I am thankful but sorry
May I make this last for eternity
In the end what I would do
Speak from my heart, and pray unto You
For everything You are
For capturing my heart
For astounding me with Your eternal beauty
And ever, for making me happy
I end this in Peace
And of all Your love
This is not the end though
But another start
And oh, a beautiful one
So I thank You all the more
It is a new day again
An end for another day
My table of mistakes now
Have all been turned down-up
Because Your eyes are ever there
Ever there upon me
Thursday, July 5, 2007
it was 7PM, my dismissal time. it was raining, but not as hard as it did when we still were having our communication class. i did not have an umbrella or a jacket with me, which i usually brought. i ran across the street from the school, and i saw the place where i go to ride a van home empty. i decided to go to SM Pala-Pala so i took a jeepney. there's another FX terminal in there but it's farther from school and i'd have to add a little amount of money for the total budget for transpo for today. i arrived at the terminal and waited, watching news in a small TV. i appreciated the news. at last, after several minutes, the FX was ready to go. i was happily seated, and even exchanged seats with a lady because i get dropped on the way earlier.
the van started moving and we were on our way. vans usually use a shortcut route, so there we are, taking up the shortcut. unfortunately, the shortcut wasn't much of a shortcut after all. a big bus, a big truck, and two others were blocking the narrow road of that shortcut. gosh, i can't believe they'd stop in the middle of the road. we passed through the first blockage using the counterflow. after that, another block. we thought it was just an ordinary wait. we clearly see in front of us a big bus exactly were the narrowest part of the road is. we didn't realize til soon that the traffic wasn't moving at all. even cars taking the counterflow couldn't get through.
well, it wasn't the end. manong driver thought of a great thing to do. he was decisive and i liked him for thinking quickly. he turned around to go back. he decided to take the normal route, just parallel the shortcut. they don't usually take that road because you have to wait a few minutes for ur turn in the island. yes, we came back to that same island and waited a few minutes.
all of a sudden, manong driver made another 'quick' decision. he sure is decisive :p. instead of turning right to the normal route, he drove forward. gosh! i thought he was about to takae alabang route! we might be going to manila! it's way farther. there was another route, but it would only lead to the first route that i think he tried to avoid.
what's going on? i was thinking. well, i calmed myself down, thinking that he knows what he's doing.
there it was, again! i was proven wrong. he did another 'quick' decision. he turned right to a stranger route that none of the passengers even know about! we were all scared. we might get lost! i just tried to think that he, again, knows what he's doing. he followed the track, made several turns and turns. in front of us was a car. inside my mind, i felt that he was just following that car. but i doubted. i was wronged, i shouldn't have doubted! the car that he was following stopped, so he got nervous. he made a ridiculous turn to nowhere. we were lost. mister manong driver still wasn't talking until the 2nd time the guy beside him asked him where we were going. he made a pretentious statement saying, 'i think this is not it!' i felt a lot of times that we were on a dead end, and there we are!
manong driver asked a few residents directions. he was planning to take the route in our school. i was going back to school right after i left it! wow, they really want me in school! we got saved by a good fellowman, a resident who helped us twice.
manong driver was really lost. he didn't even know the major highway that we were in when we got out of that subdivision-maze. he shouldn't have asked me where we were, cos we were near school that time. he continued driving and arrived at the same old route that he tried to avoid. there we are, no traffic at all, no jams.
it was already 8:15PM and i haven't arrived home yet. it was still a 45min travel. we wasted about 30minutes finding a better (ehemm, longer) route.
anyway, it didn't bother me that much. i was happy this day. my favorite class just ended and i liked the rain. it was peaceful. another thing that added to my joy was the radio program that made me laugh a lot. even the manong behind me laughed at the radio program. :p i enjoyed listening to the radio and it stopped me from complaining. i laughed instead, and reflected a lot while inside the van.
this was a nice experience for me, a joyride! haha, i won't forget it! :P
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
i just ask and pray
that may you be who you really are
a man of wealth, a man of hope
a man unwaivering in faith
a man that would never go astray
and would fight all the way
so that at the end of the line
you would know and see clearly
who you really are
a man filled with ecstacy
filled with all skill and ability
and would never again doubt in yourself
so that i, too would never doubt
cos even if i see i choose to fight
the things that push me
i'd share the fight, i'd be a true friend
so that you'd know that i, too, believe
in the same faith and hope that is in your heart
await the feeling of heaven
until it is fully revealed
and it is no longer imagination
and it is reality, in ur heart has filled
and you see a thing in this world no more
and your faith is fully grown
once again i call out
be the man that you really are
and may you never doubt
and i, too, would never doubt
with nothing in return
just for you to be who you really are