Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Logic of love

I have told you everything, I am empty.
I have given you everything, I have nothing left.
I do this for you, I have no regrets.
I love you, I recieved everything I needed in life and need nothing anymore.

You are everything and you complete me
Each moment of my consciouisness
And the moments when I sleep and dream of you.
Thank you for existing, don't know what would be if you weren't there.
It would be much different, I can tell.
There I have proven that we were meant for each other.

You thought you have given me nothing, you were wrong.
You thought you wanted me away, you regret it.
You thought you wouldn't need me, you badly miss me now.
Don't worry, I'll be there for you.
I just wanted you to see for yourself.

Now your eyes are open, you never felt that way before.
You thought you would never feel that way, now you're happy you met me
And thank God that you feel that way.
Now you're complete, now I'm the one who has the greatest joy.
Now you're not alone anymore, now's the time for me to be more than ever there for you.
It's a lifetime commitment, it's love the way you never knew it

Monday, February 26, 2007

Whoo, life...

I love food! Give me something to eat and I'll take a bite! But I am so ever weird! I'm beginning to get choosy over 'em! I love to eat but I may not love food... I love my stomach filled everytime. If I look back in time and search for the reasons why I am so, I get many answers. Maybe I missed a lot, not just literal food. I missed a lot in life. Many people do. The only difference is, I want to be different. I want change. I want something more. I'm not gonna restrict myself with my past. I'm not gonna let anything past get in the way. I am who I am and gonna make who I am. Wake up, wake up! You need to be always alert. Sleep only in the night-time, not when your work's all piled up. That's always the problem, we do things in the wrong time. A lot of times do we get excited and carried away. I wish we all learn. I wish we were all awake even if we're asleep. That way, we work both ways. Well, can't blame anyone. That's the way how life works. Not so many are perfect, I wonder if anyone even is. This is just one of life's riddle. This is just one of life's mysteries. I lose interest of the answers. Now am I content. Boo the way I think. Forget that I even thought about it, hahaha... It's just funny. ;1

Give and take

I wish my heart wasn't made of flesh so that it could be able to handle all your love
Your love is amazing, it would make every genius a fool
I wonder how it would be if I had a heart made of stone?
Would it be better? Would I be better for you?

I'm always insecure of who I am and what I can give you
I feel I'm not enough, but you lectured me
You were the one who told me otherwise
You saved me from myself

I would've lost direction with love
I didn't know how to either
Good thing you were there
Made me look beautiful but deep inside just a fool

I look at the mirror and laugh at the image I see
I knew after I met you that I missed a lot of things in life
At last, I'm living, I now have the chance to breathe
So I ask of you one thing, only one thing for my whole life

You're there for me always when I think that you wouldn't be
Tell me that I'm wrong and what I think is too paranoid
Or else I would be compulsed to show you the things that you are
I'll be awakened inside and run after you

I will never let you go
This time, it's my turn to prove to you what love is
This time, it's my turn to teach you the things that you lack too
You were there for me, now it's my turn to be there for you

One thing's for sure, that I know
I want to cut it short and tell it to the world
Just a simple thought that I would like to say
We are meant for each other

Mystery in Your Heart

My heart pounds within me, my heart leaps for joy.
This feeling inside me, I swear I can't control.
I ask myself why I'm feeling weird inside.
Is there any reason, is there any cause?
Am I just blind, or am I just pretending not to know?
Why can't I just admit it, admit that I love you?
Why can't I just help it, can't help everyday falling for you?

Sometimes I get weak, I blame myself and lose control.
I hate myself whenever that happens.
I'm not worthy to love you if I ever do.
There I ask you to do one small thing that means a lot to me:
To slap me in the face so that I would regain my identity.
I must've been out of my mind, 'cause it's you always that I mind.
I always forget of reality, whenever it's you about that I worry.

Whoo, I hate myself, I know that this isn't who I am.
You loved me too for who I am, not for who I'm making myself today.
I know I shouldn't worry for love would always find a way.
Okay, you win, I lose, how the hell could I ever choose?
I've got no choice but in your arms.
There you have it, you made me happy again.
What's it that you're doing to me this time?
I ask another question in life, seeking for answers.
And after I do get the answers, there you have me again bewitched with what you do.
Again stunned and enchanted with that thing you alone have.
I never get the answers, only in your arms.

You've got a mystery hidden deep in your heart.
I'm like a treasure hunter that wants to find that out.
I wish I have known what it is by now.
I wish I had powers too, to do what you can do.
Your an enchantment uttered, and whenever it is I lose hold on reality.
You're my mystery...

I will love you

I will love you the way that I love
I will love you the way you never thought love could ever be
I will love you unlimitedly
I will love you unconditionally
No matter what you do, nothing's gonna take away that love
It would be my misgiving if I could ever be unable to love you the way that I should do

I will love you without asking for anything in return
I will love you not to please you
I will love you to make you see and feel what love is
I will love you to open your eyes
I will love you not wanting to prove anything to you
But to prove to myself that loving you is all I need to go through

I will love you with strength
I will love you with courage
I will love you with hope
I will love you with faith
I will love you with love itself
I will love you with power
I will love you with unending commitment
I will love you with unfailing faithfulness
I will love you with myself

I'm not gonna love you if I'm weak
I'm not gonna love you just so that I wouldn't lose you
I'm not gonna love you the way others do
I'm not gonna love you without passion
I'm not gonna love you without life

I won't love you if I'm not strong
I won't love you if I'd be the one to destroy you
I won't love you if I'd lead you to error
I won't love you if It'd cost your life
I won't love you if I shouldn't

There I've proven that I should love you
There I've proven that I should be strong enough for you
There I've proven that you're the reason that I live and love
The reason that I should do well in everything
The reason why I should work hard
The reason why I'm still here, motivated to do well
The reason why my heart beats passionately and joyfully leaping inside
The reason why I still want to live another day and see tomorrow
Knowing there I'll see you hopefully and full of trust

I wish you'd know who you are
I'm the answer to all the reasons why
The answer to the question why we met
The answer to the question if it was just an accident
The answer to the question if 'should I stop loving you'
The answer to the question why I still do
The answer to the mystery of the undying reality inside my heart
That I know would never end but give only life
All because... I love you

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Miss you

I miss someone, you know who you are. I miss you badly... I wish you'd return here in my arms... I miss the [good] days when we still get together very nice... I ask myself 'what have I done for these things to be happening?

Anyway, I've promised not to be led away into error with my feelings of weakness. I'll still try to be strong despite everything that's happening. Surely, it's very difficult to love... This is what you got yourself into, if you dig love...

Come on outside

Whew, promise! I badly want to go out and see civilization because I feel that I am missing a lot of things in life.

I'm not really a 'gimik' person and I don't really like too much going out especially in Manila alone. Now, I've changed my mind, I've changed too. I think that there's really nothing wrong going out. Maybe I was just very thrifty before and too practical.

Today, I feel the need for fun, for entertainment, for something pleasurable, for something I can do for myself. I feel that I need to treat myself out. I feel that I need to discover the world 'outside' unlike my usual stay at home. I've changed, I've realized that I need to take care of myself. I'm beginning to be responsible of myself and not others. I'm beginning to shift my care from others to myself, or I'm sharing it. I feel that people need not to be taken care of too much if they're not your special someone or love. That way, they'll learn. That way, they'll be responsible too. Being too good is bad, too much is always wrong in many ways [to a lot of things].

I also have lost many things in my life for not being flexible, for being afraid to come outside. Like a "little girl offered a candy, her momma said that it's okay", but her reply was, "no , I can't come out today" (from Sarah McLachlan's song-Good Enough). Yeah, that kind of fear.

I've seen fear, fear looks big enough to eat you if you wear your magnifying glasses. The size of fear is what you make it. No matter how big it may be, adjusting only your eyes would make it small. If not small, very, very big, but only the thickness of a paper [even lesser].

Oh, I hate fear. I wan't to go out, I wanna see other people, I wanna be there with them too. I love them, but if I hold back myself and my inhibitions, I'll have nothing in the end. I want to have what I worked hard for. The measure of my hard work has been very big. I want to have something for myself.

I love you, thank you for teaching me the things in life that I couldn't learn alone... Thank you very much...

Always more

There's always more to a person, you just need to look closer...

Friday, February 23, 2007


Gosh, I'm beginning to love shakespeare's work. I didn't before because of Romeo and Juliet. I thought that those type of melodrama are his only work. Well, thanks to a friend of mine, I realized how wonderful his other works are. He's beginning to be my 'idol', haha. ;-)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

When you feel tired

I'm sleepy, I'm tired, but I need to work hard.
I've been doing everything, even the work of another being.
I'm doing it all, but what's the point if I'll just fall?
I don't know what's next, if I ever finish this test.
Is there a finish line, a goal, a price for it all?

It's okay, it's just fine.
I'll just focus on a straight line.
I'll just look in a forward-direction, gather all my scattered attention.
I admit I've been shattered, I've been recently hammered.
I may have lost track of my goal, but only for a short time, that's all.

Here I am again, I have passed, another one of time's test, wanting you to lapse.
Anyway, just don't lose control.
In the end, you'll reach life's goal.
It's normal anyway, people sleep and wake up.
If you don't just simply give your face a slap.

Remember that this may be just a dream
Wake up and know that it's not what it may seem.
Get over it and go, you wouldn't want it to follow.
Say goodbye to tomorrow's trap
Believe me, you just made it through that 'crap'!

Sick and Stupid: A pledge

Thank you for everything you've done for me. You'll always be here in my heart. You'll never be gone. In moments that I remember to pray, it's you always that I pray and request for, that you may be safe at all times. I care that much for you. I admit I have been very weak. I've seen my mistakes and my down-falls and realized that I must be strong at all times because I'm in charge of [protecting] you. I'll never leave you ever, even at any circumstance no matter what happens. I must be sick and stupid if I ever get weak and not be able to be your support. This is my pledge!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

This feeling so strong...

The feeling is inside me's strong, but I wonder if it would stay long?
My heart beats fast, but I ask myself, "is it gonna last"?
Just like love, you give all you have.
But when you're asked to commit, you take back and don't admit.
You're confused with your feelings, maybe these are just flings.
But when I came, I changed your view, your senses, your world.
A new future, for you I mold.
You had no direction in the past, but now you live cause in me you gave trust.
Don't worry, I'll hold you.
I'll give you a better view.
Stay together with me, forever we'll be free...

Feeling of Loneliness

I'm feeling lonely, yet I know that I shouldn't be.
There are people that're always there for me, yet I always fail to see.
It's just that I want them by my side, and never lose sight.
I know I'm demanding, but isn't that how lovers (or friends) should be working?
Maybe I'm just paranoid, that there's really nothing happening in the world.
Well, hope that my love is okay, I think the same thought everyday.
That forever, together we'll stay.
Now my fear is gone, my sadness has melted in the sun.
Like how darkness tries to flee, whenever the light approaching it the dark can see...

Tears Upside-down

I wonder if I turn my head upside down, would the tears stop?
Could it promise me to never drop?
My eyes are heavy, not 'cause I'm sleepy.
They're just unstoppable, a feeling unreasonable.
But why're they doing that?
Am I caught in a spell or a chant?
I'm dazzled, my name's spelled, I'm feeling dispelled.
And when I hope for the tears to stop, my face I begin to slap.
I'm feeling numb, but I have proven.
Love makes me dumb, and makes me frozen...

Monday, February 19, 2007


To be good is to be like God in character, to be likened in His image. Not just the way that you show others that you're always smiling and accomodating. You only become accomodating because you demand to be accomodated in return if you're one typical person. Well, real goodness doesn't ask to be returned anyway. Just being differently good and above others is regarding goodness is a different thing.

Things like you

Things like you make me wanna care for others rather than myself
Even when I have the choice not to do so, I do it
Things like you teach me how to be a better person
Inspire me in what I do and make me think of all the good things
I have as a possession, can't you see?

Even if I am

I'll pick you up when you fall down, even if I myself can't stand
I'll bear you up in my back, at times when you are weak...
I'll be your strength in your weakness, even if I myself am weak
I'll be present, evermore, when you are in need
I will be by your side, even if I'm gone...


I will forever be a gift, a gift of heaven above
Prepared for you alone...

A gift with your name written on it
A gift that went through time unopened...

And at the right moment, opened only
When it met you...


If you get too much of something, you get bored
The right amount is always the best
Be content of whatever you have
Be patient to work for what you want
Don't hurry things up
Learn how to wait
Waiting makes you great
Great in terms of everything
And everything, your life

Can't Sleep

See? Can't sleep because of you
I think of you 'til my eyes turn blue
This thing is all I want to know
How you are right now
I wish all the best for you everyday
I want to spice up your rigid life
And introduce my fresh choice of colors


You Must Stay

You must stay, don't go away

I wanna hug you nice and tight
And feel the warmth of your hug this cold night

I will allow you to leave me this season
If you only have some good reason

Now if you've got nothing to say
It's clear that you must stay

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Youth and Hopes

17 years of age, that's the peak age. The peak of childishness, when they can still say that you're too young. I'm 17 by the way.

I've always thought that I was lucky 'cos I'm still 17, that I have a bright future ahead of me. But those thoughts eroded when something in my life happened. I just couldn't keep up, I couldn't let go. I told myself that I was wrong. I realized that my future's bleak and that maybe I'll be taking a dark path like it was innevitable. I thought that I could skip darkness and struggles in this stage of life, but it seems like it caught me empty-handed, unprepared. I'm a victim, a dead body of a crime. I couldn't escape it's sting, I thought. At first I thought that I could make it, but now everything I am is falling apart and I can feel it inside aching...

I need to wake up again, and remember who I am. I should remember my name, and the reason why I'm here. I once had a purpose, but I know it's not yet gone. It'll never be gone, it'll never be too late. I'll rise up once again 'cos I know 'tis's just a dream. Awake from my slumber, feel the fire's ember. Most of all, to see you once again...


I've recorded my conversation with someone very close to me. I told that person my insights and one of my reflections about myself, and I want to share it with you people too.

You'll see later that there's a part where it is addressed to the person I'm talking to. You see, that person losed grip onto me, that person lost anchor. But, I'm not convinced it's the end. I make destiny and history anyway, so I took action.

Here's the conversation, though it may not seem like one at start:

"I badly need to be different, cos these times, I'm being much the same as anybody my age. Maybe there's only a very slight difference with the way I think. Some people I know may say that I'm comparable with people older than me in manner of thinking but I say no. The way I have been acting lately just shows that I'm no different than they are. That really hit me in the head-that I need to change. You might think that there's nothing wrong with me: always in the top of the class, praised almost all the times by the professors in class, learning a lot, and looking like 'knowledge and brains' is my middle name. There's still more to say that there's nothing wrong going on inside me but here's the thing-only I can tell what's inside me. I think anyway that I'm the one that's making all the fuss, all the problems that I'm going through right now. Nothing seems wrong anyway, I may just be making things complicated when they don't need to. Actually, I have a problem. I also have the option to be burdened by it. But, "a good man, though he falls, is not utterly cast down, he stands up instead" (verse from the Psalms). That's when I came to my senses to change.

People today seek only the things that could make them feel secure. Katulad mo siguro, hehe (maybe just like you, haha). There's something that they lack inside kasi eh. I almost took the path that they take. But, I have realized that I shouldn't (I came to my senses). I remembered that I am different, that my life and who I am is not just like anyone else's. I seek to be able to make other people not just FEEL secure, but to BE secure. I've been telling that to myself a lot lately, I'm directing my life towards that path.

I'm with God anyway, God gave me all I ever wanted and needed, and I'm so happy about my life. Sadly, you're the only one not included with the things that I got. But, it's not the end, I'm not satisfied to just let it go like that. I'll still pray for you instead. I want to share what I've been through, I don't want to keep these graces all for myself. It's too good to share to others too. That's why I'm here for you. God bless you. :-)"

A Reflection: A Genius

I just thought about geniuses, and how they came to be one. Read this"

"A genius is only a genius if he thinks and acts as a genius.
It's up to a person to determine his/her capacity and abilities.
When they make that decision, there they form their lives, their destiny."

Friday, February 16, 2007

Sugar, Spice, and Everything nice to eat... Hmmm...

I've posted this late, please bear with me... ;-p"

"12nn and I'm in the canteen to eat (of course, obviously), and I've pledged not to eat pork, oily food, spicy food, crustaceans, oysters, and etcetera. I've been into a lot of reflection lately about my health, life, future and my being. On the way to pick my 'ulam' or plate, I see my favorite Pork Adobo, and Pork Lechon! (I hope you imagine the scene and be able to share with my struggle, haha :p) Ugh! They're so my favorite (they became my favorite because of my misconception that pork and fatty/oily food can transform my skinny frame to a 'healthier' one. I was wrong, very wrong that is. I didn't realize the stakes and as I've been through a lot of reflection, complicatedly, I couldn't explain or describe what it does and did not just for me, but for everyone) and I struggling in temptation. At last, at the corner of the food selection in the Canteen, I have found Kare-kare. The 'peanut butter', not so greasy and porky food that has veggies in it. It was the best choice for the day (lunch) so I took it. More luckily, they don't have bagoong, another delicacy (spice) that I have pledged not to eat. It saved me for lunch time. At last, a healthy diet.

I ate, and while I was eating, I paused to chekc someone out through text messaging and then continued to eat. It was hard to adjust with the 'path' (diet) that I decided to take. Looking in front, struggling to munch the food in my mouth that doesn't taste like my favorites, I saw someone's plate in front of me, and just my luck, it's Lechon again. I didn't realize that it was gonna be a hard battle at first. I looked away and tried to finish my meal. I was taking long eating already.

Well, while I was eating, I thought about things and came to a conclusion that though it may be hard to adjust to the new diet and practice a better and healthire food habit, I'm hoping and I know that I'll be able to taste the price in the late years of application.

Oh, a start of a new era for me..." (originally written: 12:27 pm, Thu Feb/15/2007)

Till here only. :-)

'A Speech'

This passage is for someone I know who I think is very, very special (as is everyone to somebody). I just want to share with you the content:

"People with wasting lives are like that, trying their very best to find comfort and security but they still search for it through their old ways (take note: OLD WAYS). But Chance isn't nothing to be called what it is. It itself acquaints with the people in need. When they (the people in need)come to meet their chance for real security and salvation from all they are, they walk away to their temptations, and there they are again, much worse than before. They're searching in all the wrong places but what they don't know and understand is that security and comfort and salvation from LIFE itself doesn't need to be sought anymore. It was sought way too much that they miss it instead. You've done too much searching but there's still nothing, isn't it obvious? What they should know is salvation itself is looking after them, running after them, but most commonly is it too late when salvation finds itself with no room when the person seems to have found something in its place, something that looks like the same but more likely a decoy to save them and make them breathe temporarily. They go over on a loop, going back again, falling again, crying again, and seeking for a cure again. Their life cycle should be called an 'again' life cycle instead of a 'life' cycle that means a lot-it's a matter of vital importance. In my words, life is LIVING, a gift, a blessing from the One who created it. To them that I know and see everyday, and talk to everyday, their life is death instead. They live a life of death, and got used to it. Salvation, on the other hand, still doesn't stop from following the person in need. It [I] will always wait, cos it's [I'm] not satisfied with life just wasted over and over again.

What am I for if not to help and do my job? I've decided not to live for myself but to live for God and other people. My subconscious mind is enough to take care of myself. Believe me, it works very well..."

Thursday, February 8, 2007


I've written this poem on January 14, 2007 11:28:38pm

Hope you appreciate what I've written, even though it's too short.
It's for someone that meant a lot to me, so I just expressed my honest feelings in written material...
I wanted to save what I've written and share it to others to see if they could relate.
Thanks a lot :-)

"I may not mean anything to you
And you may not notice me...

But what I want you to know is
That you mean the world to me..."