The Solution.

I need a Shield to protect me.

I need a Word to hold on to.

I need to know that You're near

So I can stand another day.

In the dark of the night

When I'm all alone,

You're the only One I can run to

And give me the Solution.

King of Delays

I told myself that I am going to write about a Plurk I wrote earlier. It was my stat, "Me be King of Delays". Yeah, I am a King of Delays. I so am. I wanted to write something about it that intense that I even thought of writing a poem for it. Right now, as I write, I am just not really certain if I will indeed write a poem about it. But, I just HOPE that one day I will... unless because of time, things have changed and I won't need to anymore.

I am a King of Delays. I have noticed how I delay things I need to do. One reason is because I always want everything I do to be the "right one" as I do it. It means that if it's not the "right one", then it'll need some "more" working on... hence, it's more tiring, and it'll need more effort from me. Effort that isn't as easy to give as one may think. As a result, I simply find most of my time spent in wondering when that "right time" is. Only then do I realize that I have little time, and then I rush, and then... I be on the verge of failure.

I still want to write more... but it's pretty late. I still need to wake up early tomorrow, do my personal Christian devotion and go to church, and later in the afternoon attend to my brother's "despedida" or farewell party, and then go to my classmate's pad for probably a two-night stay. This is for a project defense... and if time permits, others more.

Alas, this "project" is exactly just what I was talking about as I realized how I am such a King of Delays.

Noynoy's Leadership in Facebook Perspective (A Youth's Perspective)

Noynoy's Leadership in Facebook Perspective (A Youth's Perspective)

I've been reading some write-ups about why Noynoy should not be voted for as president this coming 2010. However, I do not intend to discuss anything about that. I only wish to discuss how disorderly and inappropriate the comments in Noynoy's Faceboy fanpage are, specifically those made by Admin-2 who calling himself as "Pogi". This is so because I believe that it has some bearing about how his leadership might be if elected. Let us not box ourselves, though.

Why I Supported Noynoy

I have been a supporter of Noynoy for a number of reasons. The greatest of them is that I believe that Noynoy's campaign is not for himself, but for the people around him. This can be good, but it cannot be denied that it can also be a bad thing. I still believed, though, that he is a great unifying tool. Filipinos are not really as united as they could be the last year 2009, except during the demise of our late President Corazon Aquino.

As a youth, it is a momentous and amazing sight to see people gather together just to express their gratefulness for President Cory. I was on the road the day that Pres. Cory was scheduled to be delivered to her mausoleum. The South Luzon Expressway (SLEX) was closed. And, at the time that Pres. Cory's parade was along SLEX already, people were gathering up, both young and old. In my mind I find it senseless because majority of them probably only know very little about who Pres. Cory was aside from what can be seen on TV and other media. I can say that because it speaks true for myself. I have a habit of not celebrating anything that I do not fully understand.

However, as much as I am against going with the bandwagon, I could not help but feel the sincerity of the people to extend their condolence. And, what I liked most about it was, being my first time to behold such an historical event, the way that I felt like it was surreal due to the flock of people. Unity might be the closest word I can describe it with. It was really historical. I have never seen anything like it.

Senator Noynoy's Outstanding Advocacy

After that event, people started coaxing Noynoy to run for President. It started out as a little impractical suggestion for me at first. I doubted that it would be good for Noynoy to take on that proposition because it would clearly be a display of him using his parents' names. But, as time went on, I saw politicians only seeking after the good of their own name. There were those who were fighting over who gets to bear the flag of being the next big politician boss. It was a tragedy. Nobody wanted to lay down his or her own crown (except, maybe, Senator Chiz).

Then again, Senatory Noynoy came back to the picture. He was the perfect tool to stop it all. He was not after his own name at all. This time, he was after the name of his parents (as he so declares in his TV "infomercials"), and the cries of the people who wanted somebody who could lead, and who could unify them. I believe that this is Senatory Noynoy's advocacy, and this is the reason why I supported him.

A Glimpse of What Noynoy's Leadership Can Be (In the Eyes of An Innocent Youth)

As a sign of my support for Senator Noynoy's plausible advocacy, I became a supporter of his Facebook fanpage. It was not something that I would usually do. I do not like tangling myself with politics and doing something that a lot of people would do. However, I found it worth doing. I even followed some of the admin's suggestion to add everyone on my friends list, which I did. Normally, too, I would not do it. I do not like being sent mass invites to, and so I do not wish to do so to others. But, I overcame it in the end. I have also noticed that I was posting on Noy's Facebook page some supportive articles about Noynoy.

It was until one time that I noticed a particular post of another supporter that mocked another political candidate. As a natural response, I commented on it saying that it was not appropriate to do especially on Senatory Noynoy's Facebook page. Proper respect and only appropriate content/comments should ideally be there. As Noynoy supporters ask the other camps to stop their trolling, I believe that they should also not commit the same acts. It is a simple application of the golden rule: do not do unto others what you do not want others to do to you. I added a comment to reverse the message of the post by stating some real facts just to balance things out. It was just a simple act of loving an enemy, even just in the field of politics.

"Trolling" (definition: informal Computing an e-mail message or posting on the Internet intended to provoke an indignant response in the reader) is rampant across different Presidential candidates' Facebook pages. The admins in fact always send messages against its practice.

The responses I received were the most unexpected and shocking of all, especially that of the admin's. Instead of the admin correcting and regulating the original post of mockery, I was the one who got banned. My initial reply post stated that we should not bash others nor play that/their type of game because Noy supporters know better. It was so ironic that it got deleted by the admin, considering the message. The admin then left my second reply post stating some real facts about the mocked candidate, just to balance things out. It then turned out, as wonderfully orchestrated by the admin, to look like I was a supporter of that "other" candidate whom another Noy supporter mocked. (But then, even if I really was, but sadly am not, I should not have been banned from posting any questions.)

Other replies started flooding in. Most of them approved of the mockery that the original post contained. The others threw insults at me. I did not mind it because I know that they simply do not understand the situation. But, ideally speaking, people should not hastily comment whatever the situation may be. It is simple wisdom in words. But then, I might also be a student if we talk about wisdom in words.

The most horrific reply was that of the admin. To be specific, it was Admin-2 who claimed his name to be "Pogi". He began throwing childish and cowardly insults. He even condoned and honored the original post that mocked another political candidate. The worst was that later, he started throwing questions directed to me like, "hey Matthew, where are you now? You've been gone for an hour. Seems like you've chickened out." He did that in front of his audience who were beginning to praise what he was doing. What's most funny and infuriating about it is that he knows I cannot respond to any of the posts, not even clear/clarify myself because he blocked me. In my head was the question if it was appropriate for an admin of Noy's cyber image to do that. He carried Noy's image over the internet, and he should be more careful with his words. Also, he is under Noy's flagship. Anything he does can reflect Senator Noy's name.

I got banned by the admin from posting any more replies. I wanted to clarify myself and protect my dignity. I also wished to save myself from being wrongly framed of being anti-Noy for I was not like that at all. The claim was the exact opposite of who I was, finding out later on that it might actually be a good stand. However, from thereon, I just could not reply anymore. Worse is that I got banned from using Facebook for a time just a few moments after the incident. Someone might have reported my profile as offensive just because of that. People I do not know might have done it.

I am not alone in this event. I can only speak of my own story, but there are others who experienced the same thing. In fact, that admin is also victimizing others by now. If people ask or show doubt about Senatory Noy's capabilities, or even just ask the simplest but most honest of questions about him, they get blocked for the simple reason that the question might not be the most favorable to Senator Noy. Admin-2 is even scouting for some of the people he banned/blocked from replying, then starts taking a screenshot of their names only to post it on Noy's page to be ridiculed by him and other supporters. What's more saddening is that others get sent foul words by Noynoy supporters on Facebook, by people they do not know.

What Do Noynoy Supporters Really Fight For?

Wow. Is that what Noy's fight is all about, since his fight is for what the people wants? Will the Noynoy administration not be able to accept any questions from civilians who might act unfavorably towards Sen. Noy? Will they only listen to what they believe in and close their eyes and ears from the others who do not agree with them? This is really saddening. What's more frightening is that Noynoy's supporter on Facebook is growing in number by the day. I can only hope that those numbers are not representative of the real turnout of votes. Because, from what those numbers have shown through their responses, I can only conclude that most of them are blind followers.

I think that one lesson here is that we should not only look to politicians or political leaders for solutions. We must also check if we ourselves have the right reasons to fight for. This country gets corrupted not only be our leaders' deeds, but also of our own as well. As I have shared to some of my friends, "the only corruption we can eliminate is our own".

Preparedness: An Ingredient of the Bigger Recipe

This really is not a reason for me to not vote for Noynoy. But, this event just gave me a picture of what could happen under Senator Noynoy's leadership. Yes, he might have noble advocacies, but is that enough? Unity might be a good ingredient for good governance. But, that does not complete the recipe.

Things should be done at the right time. Even our good Lord Jesus Christ exemplified this through His own life. He did not show up until the time was right, that was when He was on his thirtieth (30th) year. Only little has been detailed about His younger years, because it was simply just not His time yet. Yes, He was the Messiah, but He was not sent on to His mission until He was prepared, until it was time.

May God bless the Philippines!

Disclaimer: these are only my opinion. I hope that nobody take this against me. We all have our right to express our opinions, and I ask that mine be respected. I do not intend to go against any group or personality. I shared my sentiments to this group because I have faith that the members here have high respect for others' thoughts.

P.S.

Writer's notes: okay na sana lahat eh... wag lang sana yung i-block ako na gumamit ng Facebook para lang sa maliit at walang kakwenta-kwentang away-pulitikang yun? Pathetic! Hehe. :p

Jonathan Swift - "May you live every day of your life."

As Close As This (Konna ni chikaku de)

This is my translation of the song "Konna ni chikaku de...". Can't stop listening to it. Sooo nice. ;)

"Konna ni chikaku de" (こんなに近くで) is the Sound Track of Nodame Cantabile (yes, I watched and liked it, hehehe). I think it was played towards the end of the story. It was sang by Crystal Kay. Nice!!!

As Close As This

My translation of "Konna ni chikaku de"

I realized that love was this hard

The night I got right next to you

Because I know you more

Than anyone else does

Your casual kindness to me

Makes my chest feel tight

As close as this, as close as this is how I look at you

Why is it, why is it that we are just mere friends?

No matter how, no matter how strongly I feel for you

They just don't come to you, you don't understand

I'm so in love with you

And the moment you asked me,

"Are you alright?"

With a yawn I hide the tears and say,

"Maybe I need more sleep?", is my excuse

And now I find that I always lie

To the most important person in my life

And everyday, everyday because of this aching heart

There is just so many, so many sleepless nights

So let's start, let's start to bring back how we first met that day

If we could turn back time, it would be much better that way

I'm so in love with you

For I know that if I told you "I LOVE YOU"

We might not smile anymore like the way we used to

But I can't stay as your friend like this any further

Nor force my smile to last much longer

Honestly, honestly I loved you all this time

I always have, always have loved you

And to you, to you I want to send my feelings

That I whisper towards the blue sky

I'm so in love with you

A Glimpse Of Who I Am: Just A Reminder

"Keep your foot firmly planted forward, Matt", I tell myself tonight.

In one of my previous blogs, I've said something about how I was haunted by thoughts of being overwhelmed and overthrown by others, and the thought of not being able to bring out my best at things, especially where I used to excel at the most.

Tonight, things are much better, I feel.

Have I written anything in here about how I stop doing something I'm good at when people start flocking to do the same thing? Well, I might have not detailed on it before if I have. Let me do so, now.

I have been at a grave point of refraining from doing the things I'm good at when came high school. It's probably because of my foundation-shaking experience in transferring between schools during my elementary years, especially late elementary. As a result, I stepped into high school in an indisposed situation. Those years, too, were tempestuous years for my family as it was the down years when my dad lost his job as a senior geologist.

From there, I realize that the bolts that come to our life only zaps us up to ready us for a zoom.

On my first year in high school, at the first day, I was a late-comer because I was a late enrollee. Things weren't really certain that time when you ask me, so I don't know if I was really there in school, and if it's real enough. If it's indeed happening, it might very much be a rocky ride.

This explains why I wasn't the best person in high school; I admit that there were a lot of people who I pissed off back in high school, I used to play a prank on almost all of the professors, I used to do some petty lies about myself (that none really knew about actually) to cover up my insecurities (that, funny thing is, cried out loud actually), and some other minor nuisance I've framed. Right now, though, I just want to believe that they've all grown mature enough to understand me. It might just be me that's left who needs to believe in it.

But, opposed to what I subconsciously believed would happen, my high school days and years became gradually pleasant. There were still some struggles, but it's just now that I can see that I've survived and grown stronger in those years. I've adapted and had been resilient without me being fully aware of it.

My high school days saw how I started abandoning some of my strengths, talents, and gifts. For one, I used to believe that I was the best in the craft of drawing and related arts. When I entered high school, with raw talent in my pocket and probably some arrogance, I went on using my skill on the minimal. But, as the days and high school years went by, my passion and fondness for drawing and the arts started to slowly fade.

One reason I know why my attachment to the arts deteriorated is the thought of already being good in my skill combined with the thought of the "perfect time, perfect opportunity = perfect art". To put it more clearly, I have this internal rule that it's either I do my best and I be the best at my craft, or I shouldn't practice it at all. Also, because of the popularity of japanese "anime", a lot of kids my age began being delighted with the art of drawing. It pretty much became a bandwagon material, and I, being a non-conformist, had the only option of quitting.

Today, I've detected a pattern of my behaviour when it comes to something I do good at. When you kick in change, my steady pattern of excellence is shaken. That's when I start to behave in an erratic and unpredictable manner. But, it's not without me learning anything from my experiences. I have been trying to stress out a lot, as can even be seen in my previous posts, that I'm still trying to figure out my "own personal change". And, I guess, I'm doing great at it!

I can talk more about the details that led me to these realizations about change, but it will only prolong my labour.

So much for telling myself to flee from the mundane!

Just a while ago, while I was in deep reflection, I was telling myself that I will begin breaking away from the mundane. Specifically, I wanted to stop writing mundane stuff or fillers on my blog. It's been part of my struggle this last year since some major phase shift in my life. Now, it seems like I'm doing it again. Or not?

I guess that me writing about this particular entry, among others, just shows how different this is. From my personal inner feeling of contentment and actuality, I can tell that this is definitely not mundane. I cannot stress out any better, even in some of my previous blogs, outrightly said or not, that these words reflect who I am and who I am is a treasure worth preserving. These words are all over the place, actually!

I have a lot of fixing to do...

I have a lot of fixing to do tonight; and even tomorrow, I'll still have a lot to patch up about my life. From my desolate multiply site, even the ruinous Friendster, to even things that are better left unsaid or kept to myself.

The physical and the superficial reflect the shadows of the deep things anyway, don't they? I guess that this is just some sign that I am in need of picking up the pieces and mounds of litters that I have created behind me, those that I have tried forgetting. I'll have to face them all in the end and clean them up if not be consumed by them. But, the latter option wouldn't be fit for me to do. I was born to end up doing the right thing and not to end up falling, I believe.

Falling is just a part of the journey of learning. It happens until your eyes fully open.

What to really put on my blog?!?!

Up to now, I'm still a bit confused about what content to really write on my blog. I don't know whether to just put them on plurk, or just leave it in my head and to not write it at all so that it won't just be a filler. But, I guess right now I'm writing it here. It turns out that it's not much of a filler after all. It's me anyway. It's who I am. And, so, I am writing this down and documenting it.

Adieu! ;)

Arrogance and laziness... Or something new?

Sometimes, there comes a point that I feel like I "know it all", and that I have enough skill, intellect, and everything one needs to do something; just like in writing. I used to write a lot on my blog. Nowadays, however, I get a pretty hard time to even finish one decent, heartfelt post. It's because most of the time, I only just really try to produce a blog just for the sake of producing one, for the sake of making me feel like I'm "still" the writer that I used to be, and to make me feel like I am a man of skill, especially in writing. Downright, I can tell myself that I feel arrogant yet without any acts.

As far as I can remember, I began starting to lose my interest, or rather, my spontaneity in writing when I transferred to De La Salle University in Manila. I began to get busy in school-related stuff and my own preoccupations as I feel like I was finally on the path towards my ultimate man-made dreams. Those dreams, as I can describe it, are ambitious dreams that I have set for myself; ones that fill out my selfish desires, as human and as normal as they are. It's just that ever since, I've been grounded to the knowledge that man, specifically I, has a purpose to fulfill, and that if I blind myself too much of my own desires, I can't be able to fulfill my own purpose in life.

I also have a feeling of trying to "bring back" the past that I was. It's partly because I don't want to be upset anymore about my past frustrations. One particular past frustration is to continue being the best in what I excel at. In that I forget that man changes, even though the essence of his character may still remain. Maybe I'm just not really perceptive of what those changes are, and not as ready as I should be, and also not flexible enough to take in those realities.

Whenever I think of the things that I have been best at, I fall back to the thought of the reality that there is a better one. Just now, as I try to reminisce receiving awards and distinctions of excellence, the thought that there is somebody else better than me immediately kicks in preventing me from moving any further with my thoughts. This has always been a weak point of mine.

I always look to the past glories that I was able to receive, and then think of how frail I really am that I forget how I have worked hard to achieve them. My immediate action also would almost always be to turn my attention into something else more present and calming so that my heart can flee from the fears beginning to set inside me.

In the end, the result is I don't get to be the best in what I do, I spend too much time reflecting and taking time off to recover from my concealed fears, and I stay trapped in it. The progress is so sluggish and it takes almost like eternity just for me to really wake up and learn what it is to learn.

I want to fight this time. I need to wake up from the grave that I have dug for myself. There has been a thousand and an infinite more times that everything around me is trying to pinch me back to reality, but I have been numb from them. This time, I need to feel and begin feeling again.

Things might be different now -- I'll embrace that. I will just try to figure out the new course of things and take it into my system. But, I'll also try to learn how to be open to change. Somehow, though, I feel like this is something bigger than just the concept of change. That is what I want to find out.

Hello, change. Hello, newness! Hello, how things go around today. Hello to the yet unknown way of life.

ONDOY STRANDED FILES: BETTER FOOD IN CSB THAN DLSU

I've heard that you had better food daw there sa CSB (friend chicken, pork, etc.). Sa'men kasi, Corned Beef lang. :)) Anyway, the stranded people stayed 'til Sunday morning (around 7:00AM). Ako naman, I tried to cross the floods with my bare feet para makapag-LRT which was operational na at around 11:30AM. Dumeretso ako sa Ayala (LRT-MRT) then nakasakay ako ng free Aircon Bus pa-Alabang. Yay! :D

Anyway, DLSU turned into the ff. bodies of water:

Lake Lasalle-Amphi,

St. Joseph River,

Miguel River,

Northgate River,

Southgate River,

etc.

I wasn't able to travel around the other areas such as Gox, Velasco, atbp. so I don't know how to call them na. :)

Note: the adventure was fun! You get to cross bridges made of wooden benches and classroom chairs.

The Menu of Someone with Braces.

As some of you might have known already, I had braces installed last Friday. I was expecting pain during the first two or three days, but I must say that it's entirely different once you experience the pain that the dentists warn you about.

The pain doesn't really bite unless you create an impact by accidentally hitting your upper and lower teeth together. Or when you try to bite, there's a sore feeling of pressure in your teeth. Or, when you sleep, you feel like your jaw freezes and your teeth is in pain if there is even the slightest movement. Plus, you'll have a feeling of biting, which in turn hurts you all the more.

Anyway, I went to the supermarket this late afternoon to buy me some food since I haven't been able to take in some real deal of food because of the braces. I was getting hungry too that's why I decided I'd go to the mall/supermarket. But, before that, I asked my mom who's bed-ridden for being sick if she has anything to ask me to buy since I was going to the supermarket anyway. It'll all be in just one go if there's any. She asked me to buy fruits, specifically, grapes and a fourth slice of watermelon.

So, there I went to the mall. I first stopped by at Jollibee and bought me what they call a "Creamy Macaroni Soup". It is, from trying to look for something I can eat from the other restaurants/fastfoods, what I think I can take in this 3rd day of having braces.

I proceeded to the mall and met my 2nd eldest brother with his peers. It was great because I didn't know how to pick the best of fruits in a market or a supermarket, so I asked the older ladies who was with him to help me (since my bro doesn't know anything about it either).

Anyway, my trip inside the supermarket was really nice. I actually got more than I planned to buy. So, here's a list of what would be my menu for tonight, and my snacks for my first day of classes for the second term tomorrow:

1. Strawberry Yogurt
2. Noodles (Lucky Me, haha, I just missed the taste, and it just seems that I can handle eating it!)
3. Some Polvoron (which a nice lady induced me into buying because of a free taste)
4. And, a jar of Stick-O's (which Barvi, AKA Barbara Goduco, advised me to have while in braces)

What made the grocery adventure fun is that I didn't bring with me any cash (except the 150 Pesos my mom handed me which I used to pay for the soup I had earlier, and which I forgot I had afterwards during grocery). But, it was a smart thing because my mom told me to use my BDO ATM Debit Card which I really liked. At first, I even thought that it was a bad idea, and I was unsure because I was thinking that you'd need two (2) valid IDs to use it. But then, it worked very smoothly which caused my enjoyment. Yay! :D

Okay. The only thing I regret about my grocery session today (can I really consider it as grocery since I only bought a number of things? Haha) is that I think I didn't do well when I bought the Polvoron, which I think tasted really good. It's because my sister told me that Neomi (did I get it right?) was selling Polvorons for only 60 pesos for 24 pieces, against the one I bought for 100+ pesos for 18 pieces. SAAAD!!! Okay, yeah, sad. But, I'll get over it. Hah, hah, hah!!!

Well, overall, I feel great today. Not only did I receive a great spiritual in-filling from the house of God (church, Sunday), but I also had a great day surrounded with all the blessings you can think of. Plus, I'm excited for school tomorrow, which is another just such a great blessing that God has given me.

See y'all! ;)

Stubborn Tooth (part 1)

For my whole braces or orthodontic plan, I need four of my teeth extracted to allow space for my teeth to spread nicely. Last Sunday, August 30, 2009, I had my first ever tooth extraction (I was supposed to have two extracted in one session, but only had one because of the extreme difficulty in plucking it out -- will be detailed later).

So, I went to the dentist to have two of my teeth extracted in one session. I had a total of four that needs extraction, one from each corner of my set of teeth, and it was best practice to extract two at a time, and the next two three days after the first one. Finally, the day has come that my mom finally had the time to escort me to the dentist to proceed with the pre-orthodontic procedures to give way for me having braces. We arrived pretty early at the clinic at some time before 3PM; pretty early because we usually arrive late in the afternoon.

Before the procedure, my mom asked me if she could leave me during the surgery. It was fine with me because I'm a grown up man already. But I told her that I'll just probably send her a text message if there is something she needs to know.

The surgery was finally able to start at about 3:30PM. I was asked which side I prefer to have extracted first: the left or the right; she clarified by telling me that I should leave the side where I'm comfortable eating. I chose the right first to be extracted. Then the dentist started the whole extraction process at the right side, with the lower tooth first.

On average, tooth extraction takes about 2 hours at most, especially with impacted wisdom tooth. That is the track record of the dentist who was handling my operation. Wisdom tooth extraction, especially impacted ones, are difficult procedures, but, in the case of the dentist, it only takes about 2 hours. But, what everyone failed to see before hand was that I was about to make a dental history with them for later taking more than 4 hours in the procedure.

Now, the difficult labor all began. The surgery finally commenced. The area surrounding the area of operation was first numbed with anesthesia with probably less than 4 shots. I didn't feel a lot, but I knew that the 'elevation' started. After 'elevating' my tooth, they then started plucking out my tooth with a tool. There began the extreme pain the surgery had for me; and even all the doctors who were there.

I was feeling great pain when the dentist was forcefully pulling my tooth out; I felt like my whole jaw was about to tear. Later after the surgery, the doctor who mainly handled my operation had her whole right arm numbed because of the force she exerted.

The dentist then tried to pause the operation and began explaining to me how difficult my tooth extraction was. She was also explaining how it only took her 2 hours at most to remove impacted wisdom tooth, and that mine was really difficult to remove. She showed me some x-ray visuals and explained how it contributed to the difficulty of the procedure in my case.

When they proceeded with surgery, did some more elevation, which contributed only very little to the ease of extraction, they gave up again. They described that the tooth wasn't moving at all when being plucked. It just stayed in place no matter how much force they apply in pulling it out. During some more 'elevation', however, the tooth was 'slightly moving', they describe. But whenever they try pulling it off, there is great pain as if my jaw is going to tear as it goes with the tooth they're trying to pull out; the tooth remains intact with little to no movement at all despite the forceful pulling efforts.

They asked me to rest again, this time my mouth was engorged in more blood than earlier due to more and more 'digging'. It was the time that my mom got back, and I also tried to shed a little amount of tears. In my mind, I was just really relieved that my mom was finally there, which gives me a lot of comfort. I didn't expect that the procedure was going to be that excruciating, neither did the dentists know it was going to be that difficult, and it just helped that somebody dear to me knew of my case.

The dentists began to gather together at the station where I was to help the one in charge of my operation. They all tried to help and swapped positions trying to extract my tooth. But, they all just couldn't do anything.

They finally made contact with their senior dentist, the one who owned the clinic, and reported my case. What I heard was that they were to try removing some of my bones to loosen up the grip on my tooth. It's only done when the tooth is impacted, too difficult to extract, and the likes. It sounded like an extreme effort, but there was no other choice. They explained to me that it couldn't be left like that because it'll only swell, and that the only way to finish is to get the tooth extracted.

I wasn't able to track the time at that time. I just told myself that it should go on. But inside me, I had something else in mind. I remember the dreams I had before that I had a lot of times. The dream was that my teeth were all falling so feebly like they're overripe fruits falling from the tree. I had the dream several times already and it felt like it was almost real. I finally understood that dream because of the operation, that in reality I had stubborn teeth that were really hard to pluck out.

My own list of Epic PC Games!

Ever since I was young, I was a PC game adorer. I've pretty much grown up in front of the computer -- from watching other computer users (older bros), to hands-on in school, paying to play at computer stations (including consoles), and to owning my own game console. I've grown to have quite some good computer skills by really hanging out a lot by (or beside the presence of) the computer.

It's gonna be all about games from hereon, I tell you. So, start bracing yourself!

Games I don't like much

I've also had my share of favourite computer games, and those that I've detested. But, I think it'd be better to list down first those that I didn't like much.

I wasn't into racing games. Most of my older bros (and even my youngest bro) are fond of racing games. I'm not. I just wasn't into them because they're repetitive: only road, checkpoints, chasing after time, and winning (or losing).

Then, I wasn't into basketball or other sports games. I barely know about basketball. My only memory of playing basketball during my childhood days was when I was still 9 years old, in 3rd grade elementary for PE classes. After a few nights practicing shooting balls at the local court, failing, and getting frustrated, I decided that basketball wasn't for me. I've always been like that whenever I feel like I'm not doing good on something -- I quit right away. I tell myself that it just might not be for me, and I don't have any resources to do good on it anyway.

I also wasn't into Diablo games that, back then, was REALLY popular. My older bros pretty much liked it, and I almost always used to watch them (in horror, I was young). One great reason why I didn't like playing it is because, being a little kid, it was a really scary game. You get to fight animated skeletons, devilish fiends, goblins, all in dark tombs, mausoleums, crypts. It was all just so scary -- to have living hell just at your backyard?! Plus, the scariest thing about it was the SOUND EFFECTS that make it all really scary. I can still recall the sensation of fear I used to have back then, classic, and still making me shiver. Hehe.

Games I liked before, but not so much (or at all) anymore

I think my list of games that I didn't like ends here. Let me mention now those games that I used to like before, but do not anymore today.

At 5th grade or so, I got really addicted to strategy games, particularly Red Alert, Dune 2000, and the likes. I liked Age of Empire too, and it's really epic. But I think I shouldn't talk about it as early as now. I'll save it for later. Going back, I think I spent thousands of bucks which I took from my allowances just to get to play Red Alert non-stop on computer shops (or cafes). Back then, we had time-limits to computers (and computer games). We usually only had 30 minutes. It was some funny but great way of discipline. I miss it actually. Now, however, whenever I hear of Red Alert, I think I'm gonna puke because I'm so full of it. The reason is I think I've finished every bit of expansion of it (Yuri's revenge, etc.). I got so addicted that I got way past my limits, that in the end, there was no excitement left to hang on to.

Games that I liked a great deal, still do, but probably won't get a chance to play anymore

Well, most of the games that I really liked playing, and probably won't get to play anymore, are Playstation (PS) games and those from other game consoles like Dreamcast, Game Cube, XBOX, and other later versions of the consoles.

One of my top favourites from Playstation is Tenchu. I love everything Tenchu, but I liked best Tenchu II for the storyline. It's just so sad that I wasn't able to finish it before. I probably won't ever anymore. I only used to play it at a neighbor's or friend's house -- at Osmond's. Haha. We almost always used to argue, if not for pleasing him by returning some other favour. Haha.

I've grown to love A LOT OF DREAMCAST GAMES. The reason is because it is the only game console I got to own. It was supposed to be a Playstation. I actually was disappointed but later I loved it. Getting one paid off.

One of the best Dreamcast game I've loved (and still actually love and adore) is Shenmue. I finished the first game, but wasn't able to finish the second. Too bad, I really wanted to know what happened to the main character during the 2nd part. I was cut when he was about to arrive at Kowloon City in China. The CD I had was broken and it really left me hanging and broken.

Another beloved Dreamcast game is Phantasy Star (Online). I wasn't able to finish it myself because by that time the Dreamcast got broken. I've also known that there were later releases of the game in Game Cube that had much better graphics. And I'm just in awe. I actually saw the commercial in some Computer Gaming show on TV. But I never had a Game Cube.

I also loved Power Stone, probably the best Dreamcast multiplayer game, the ROCKIN' SPAWN multiplayer game! Quake III Arena, Toy Soldiers, and Outtrigger! Those probably are the best mutliplayer games, but here comes the best of them all: Dead or Alive 2! Hahaha! It had beautiful graphics (and bouncy girls), cool storylines, and awesome moves! I just can play it all over again! Oh, I liked Soul Calibur too, but the controls were a bit complicated. It's still nice cos of the graphics and character details!

My own list of Epic PC Games

I guess this is the moment of truth, the climax, the finale, and the most awaited part: the epic ones! Well, I've nominated them as the best, the classic, and the most epic games I've known and played. They are the following:

Heroes of Might and Magic II

The first time I've played (and actually discovered) Heroes II was from a Demo CD included in a PC Gaming Magazine that my older bros bought. My first try was really confusing. I didn't understand the gameplay back then as I was still too young. I always lost to the computer (cos it was really difficult, really). Then, after a few months or a year, I tried it again, and me and my bros liked it. That was maybe before 2000s, or the early 2000s. Then, just within a few years ago, I tried looking for the game again, this time the full version. Even though it was sooo classic and cartoony, it was GREAT. Real CLASSIC and EPIC. I finished it til the end. I then went on playing the sequels, up to the 5th! I even bought an original complete with expansions DVD of the 5th installment of the game just this year (3rd term of 2008-2009)!

Age of Empires

I'll always love Age of Empire. It is the King of strategy games for me. I'll always love the different history lessons I've learned from it (hahaha), the funny sounds and noises, and the different tribes. It's just really fun to play.

Serf City

Before, (before the 2000s) I've played a game called Serf City. It was great. We all loved it. You build a castle, a platoon of armed forces, and flourish. Well it was a classic game too. And real epic! It's one of the best strategy games too, not even in 3D! Today, I've played the latest version of the game which is Settlers. It's in great 3D now, and Ubisoft did great on the graphics. Only those who were able to play the initial versions of the game will appreciate the new ones!

Lords of Magic

This game was released at about 1999. I'm just not so sure about it. Back then I didn't understand how it's played although it was cool with all the races, elements, and characters to be recruited. It was another strategy, myth, magical game. Within a few years ago, I looked for the game and played it. I really love it. It stays classic and epic.

Last but not the least, since I'm getting tired of writing (it's past midnight already), I'm revealing my latest addition to my own list of epic PC games!

Nox

This games was released on early 2000s. I just liked it. I'm still gonna download the game... and will play it soon! Hahaha!

Back in action!

I was out of action... but I guess my commitment remains to my journal like an invisible cord that links it to my heart.

Well, I guess I was just passing by my journal. Signing off for now, but signing back again soon! :)

Sharp Dreams, Vivid Visions

As mentioned earlier, I'm setting up a blog about my spiritual visions and dreams. And so, here's the link:

http://sharpdreamsvividvisions.blogspot.com/

Just an update!

Good night!

Work life learning experiences

I'm gonna write some of the things I've learned about work life in this blog soon. Just not now because it's getting late. Just for the record!

A talk with Ate Gina: My call to write down my dreams and visions

I had a talk with Ate Gina last Friday, August 14. She was supposed to ask me to fix her laptop's internet connection. She invited me to eat first since I haven't had dinner yet, and we went to some deep spiritual talk and fellowship. We talked about how God's spiritual gifts should be exercised, especially since we are His vessels here on earth.

1st Message

She shared some of the things she received as a message for me. She told me that if I keep a journal, I should write down the visions and dreams that the Lord has given me. She couldn't remember the exact verse in Ezekiel but one was about God's command to Ezekiel to write down those that He has showed him.

It was just so right on the spot because Ate Gina did not know that I have created a journal before to write down the dreams that God has given me. Sadly, it lied in ruins so I decided to delete it weeks ago. A few days before we got that talk, when I logged in to my blogger account, I noticed that my blog can be "un-deleted". It was such a perfect coincidence. A sign for me to go on with what I'm doing. A go signal. Ate Gina also doesn't know that I'm a journal-keeper or a blog-writer.

In Ezekiel 40-42, the Lord showed Ezekiel the details of the temple including the laws of the temple. Portions of Ezekiel 43:10-11 says,

¹⁰ "Son of man, describe the temple to the people of Israel... ¹¹ ...make known to them the design of the temple—its arrangement, its exits and entrances—its whole design and all its regulations and laws. Write these down before them so that they may be faithful to its design and follow all its regulations.

2nd Message

Another message that she received for me was that the Lord was giving me a "jump-start" in visions, that he'll give me visions in full-color and complete clarity. That was the impression she had. She told me how Pastor-Prophet Kuya Gerry Misajon started out having small visions, to little images, to black and white, to something wider and clearer today. She said that I'll have it in full image right away.

I told her about the first time I had a vision that it felt very real and it was very clear and vivid. She blurted out the word "vivid". It was exactly the word I had in my heart when I visualize that fresh vision that I had for the first time.

This is sealed in Jesus' Name. Amen.

My Spiritual Visions & Dreams Blog

I am supposed to write about my spiritual visions and dreams. I actually am planning to put up a specialized blog about it, but up to now, I still haven't. Well, right now I will. It starts immediately after I post this one. :)

I'll link that blog to this one soon.

Baptism of 'Matt From Here On Out'

Well, since this is the first ever blog post I've done, I've thought of making it special in such a way that it'll be remembered as "the first one". So, I hereby baptize this blog as titled "Matt From Here On Out". It is so-called because, first, my name is Matt. Second, I've created it to write about the matters of my life from this day forward.

So, fellas (if there is actually any), here is 'Matt From Here On Out'!