I'm supposed to write about quitting my first job, but I think my thoughts have expired. I've thought about it maybe two hours ago, and the idea just does not seem as fresh anymore. Plus, the thought of the night clock ticking, and the time getting more and more late approaching morning is eating me up. Oh, there's pressure pushing me "not to write" about what I originally was thinking to write.
Well I guess talking about all the hindrances in doing what I wanted to do helped. It's sort of me putting away and facing my problems. Now, I think, I can finally start talking about my experience in ending my first job.
Last June 2009 was the start of my first ever job. My work is simple: I write about at least 5 celebrity blogs containing the latest news about specific celebrities, and maintain them. Ideally, I should work 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have a cap of 10-hours a week. It means I cannot exceed working for more than 10-hours and get paid for it. Extra work done won't get you any credit except in extremely special cases.
My first shot at this job was fine. The rate was also okay: about a dollar and half per hour. Not bad, to think that the rate for amateur freelance tutors, one of my college dream-jobs, is around that rate too.
When I started writing my first contents, I was still trying to get a feel of what I was doing. It wasn't smooth, but after doing some work, I started doing great, at least according to how I see it. Now, I can only be thankful for having the experience of having a job, working for it, and "what's actually in a job". You'll get to know work ethic, responsibility, commitment, quality of work, and relationships. I'm lucky I've gained those things in my first job.
Things are good, but they aren't perfect though. It is so as I am about to end my first job. It's not the easiest experience to end a job. I don't know for others, but this is my case. I think I'm having a hard time with letting go. It sort of gives me a scary or fearful feeling that I'm gonna be worthless, or I'll hurt the boss whom I'll leave, or that I'm responsible for the loss of the job that I'm to leave. I'm THAT compensating.
Tonight, however, when I've thought of it, I think I'm done. I'm not talking about the job alone. I'm talking about all those stuff in my mind that hold me back and paralyze me. People come and go. Flowers flourish, and dry up. Stars get fame, and become forgotten. What's the difference? The important thing to learn, however, is to not hold-on too tightly to what the moment offers, because moments fly. Appreciate them when they're there, but learn how to move on, whenever appropriate, and embrace change.
In ending my first job, I feel like a needle's been removed from my body. Like the Filipino saying goes, I feel like "nabunutan ako ng tinik sa lalamunan". I now understand what that phrase really means. Hahaha! Finally, I'm free of the responsibility of "earning". I'm a free man again. I feel like a child again. I'm new, as ever and always. I'm in bliss!
Finally, I can sleep!