I Blew It

This day has been a wreck. Well, it’s not that harsh a word to use to describe the day. That is a fact. At least, the reason why I can say that is because, in all honesty, that is what perfectly describes it.

It started yesterday, a Sunday, that I started to plan the things that I need to do with great need. I, miraculously, too, have started doing this time-management thing even if I really wasn’t fond of it. I just hate time-management (or it hates me) and I don’t really get how it works. But, however, yesterday was different. With things to do piled up for this week, I really had the need to accomplish tasks. Well, that’s for a start – a fuel for time management.

During the course of the day, with me listing down the things that I need to do on my organizer, I was able to follow through some of the things that I listed down. That is for the start of it. As expected, after being able to do some of the things (with a little compromise or acceptable adjustments in it), I over-did a task (on the list) a little. I overslept (for quite a number of minutes). Starting from that, there have been side-track errand requests from the external forces or the environment. To put it off, I wasn’t entirely able to follow the time-frame plan which I allotted to do my review for my Trigonometry quiz, and later, for my Business and Organizational Management quiz for that day’s tomorrow. It then became more and more difficult for me to keep up with my plan, struggling to find my way into starting what I need to do and finish for the “time-frames”. In simple words, I have been time-frame-bound, trapped, and stuck. Yes, I really felt stuck that there’s this one time that I totally got out of my ego-control which led me to hang out a while at the terrace to breathe in air and blow out suffocating air from within me.

After that, I just tried to accept that I simply cannot follow my plan. Part of that is due to my fault, and I admit that. Starting then, again, I was able to continue my reviews although it was already late. I do not want to forget mentioning that I was having a hard time to do that, yet I continued on.

The plans were done but with such costly exchanges. I was able to review one out of two subjects but I didn’t have a great time. I wasn’t able to do my best. I didn’t really grasp them the way I should be able to. It wasn’t that efficient, nor that effective too.

Today, a Monday, the day of doom because of my faults, (yes, I have myself to blame for, which quite honestly stresses me out, argh) I overslept again. I woke up two-hours before I actually got off my bed. And, as expected, I was groggy again. Like before times that I overdid my sleep, I felt like I lack energy. Maybe it was due to my body pain for days because of workout, but I guess it really has something to do with me not doing what I should do – waking up when my body told me to do so. With that in mind, I came to a thought that it probably is something about me. With that happening over and over again, there must be something wrong (or whatever) in me that I do not see that I should see. I thought that I might need to understand myself more. I began to feel that these things happening might only be pointing out something in me that I do not know of. I began to formulate the idea that I might be a hard-headed person. I saw disobedience and disinterest in those deeds of mine. However, seeing those things made me think of doing things next time with my whole heart in it all the time, that whenever there is a task, I should try my best to do it with sincere and earnest intent.

Also, as a result of my pseudo time-management, I’ve also learned a little something. I’ve learned how to set goals for the week which I believe is quite a something. I think that I’m gonna start off with mini week-long goal-setting to get me through. And, for this week, my goal is to correct all the flaws that I’ve committed for the past week. I guess that would be enough for a start since it’s still just a Monday. That just means that there’s still a lot more opportunities for success for the week.

Yes, I blew it, screwed up, crushed and burned, and have sunk low (that it hurts). However, there’s something more for me. I ripped off with the Trigonometry exam, maybe, but I believe in favour. Or, in more understandable terms, I believe in that which is in store for me. There is a God who loves me. Now, all I have to do is go on with the day with Him by my side and see all bliss there is wonderfully waiting for me.