These are the things that I wanted to be back then. It has changed ever since.
The first ambition that I had is being an artist. Back then, when I was still really young, I didn't know how to differentiate an "actor/actress" from an "artist". In tagalog kasi, an "artista" is know to be actors/actresses. Haha. To add up to this, I wanted to create my own anime. Lots of stories and character designs were on my mind. I garnered some glowy recognitions of my own, too, at that age. I had a gold medal from an "on-the-spot drawing contest" that I can never forget. I was a top in arts from every class I entered. At least I felt so, until it faded slowly and slowly while I was growing up. My interest, because of the achievement, and the impatience, slowly disintegrated. That was me ages ago. :)
When I had the mind about things around me: the sciences and fictions going all around, the info about clones, robots, all influenced by movies, I geared up with a new ambition. I wanted to be a Genetic Engineer. At my young age, still in my elementaries, I knew the course offerings of UP Diliman, and I guess one of it is Genetic Engineering. I knew because my parents and my older brothers back then were from UP Diliman. I had a mindset that I would study there too. People say that I'm very smart anyway. I was confident.
I was confident in my childhood days; too confident that studying had not been my interest, not even once. I never figured out what studying is all about. I only knew school; that it's a number-of-years-wait, and after that, you get what you want. I was a kid with little knowledge of what's really going on that the only thing that I had was my dream of what I'll be in the future.
I studied on throughout my elementaries and, not to be expected, I didn't graduate with any honour, award, or recognition. No flying colours. It was fine with me since It's not my dream that we were talking about anyway. I still have my dream and I'm still on my way onto reaching it. Just a few more years, 4 years in High School, and another 4 or 5 in College. That's all I needed; at least that's what I thought before.
When I stepped in High School, I returned to Colegio San Agustin (CSA) where people knew me. I was a student here before and I knew lots of people studying in the same school. I didn't want to return there anyway; my parents were the only ones that wanted me to. They say that it's the best school. Upon coming back, many greeted me and was quite excited to have me back in CSA; at least I thought of it that way. I felt that I'm a popular person. It's something good to think anyway -- to give yourself some importance, make yourself something special to others, even though in reality, by yourself alone.
Back when I was in high school, I used to counsel my peers, give good and awesome advice, know beforehand what and how others around me feel, and really undestand just about everybody around. Through it, I've gained some good friends. Empathy.
I remember back then that one of my favorite albums was "Empathy" by Mandalay: an ambient, trip-hop band. I don't know how this is related, though. Haha. Sorry! :D
My dreams have changed again. I wanted to be a psychologist. I used to dream of entering UP Manila and taking up Behavioural Sciences. After graduating with such degree, I plan on being a school guidance counselor, climb up my way in being a school principal, and/or own my own school in the end. I also wanted to be a professor because I believed in forming the youth into great people. Haha. That was one of my dreams or ambitions before.
Upon entering college, in the middle to late years of High School life, my dad injected to me the idea of being an Electronics and Communications Engineer. He said that it was an in-demand course and that it was a high paying job. I think, he already wanted that for me even at my early years of high school, aside from being a medical doctor. I, too, made myself comfortable with the thought of being an ECEngineer. I was a big music lover back then, and I was beginning on planning to focus myself to digital audio system designs, layouting, programming, and the like. I was into Hillsong stuff, sound system stuff, and other digital system stuff that I was eager of learning "soon" (supposed to be) in the future.
My dad also wanted me to be a medical doctor, if possible. He was calculating the costs one time when he was telling me what he wanted or at least dreamt for one of his kids. He says that it would still pay of anyway in the long run. He has this good fancy about a man of God (a person that God uses in miracles) that was a medical doctor. That man was used by God in miracles many times. Many got healed, and miracles uncountable. That was a noble dream. I took it in mind, too. Being a doctor, in my knowledge that time, was quite a name, a title. It was pleasing to the ears. The only thing that I feared about being a doctor is the ones that are happening in the TV shows -- the emergencies, the drama, the blood. I don't think that I can handle putting another person's fragile life in my own hands that much. But, if in miracles, I could. I'm not feeble-brained either and I did good in my biology days while on 2nd year high school and I enjoyed it, not to mention me fighting with my biology teacher back then, turning her into my worst enemy before. Don't worry, before that year ended, everything turned back to normal. ;)
I still had other things in mind; other ambitions that I fancied, titles that glowed in the dark while I was in my bed thinking of what I wanna become. I wanted to be a lawyer, if not, an accountant, if not, a philosopher that writes books, vanities. I considered nursing due to my Aunty/Godmother's insistent request. She was a nurse, too. No wonder. The money pays good either. It was quite a pretty good deal, only that it's not what I wanted in terms of fulfillment.
Today, in my college days, I've realized who I am, the things I can do, and the things that I have. I'm still dreaming of things to happen, but now I've realized, it's not all about what you're dreaming. It's about what you're willing to be and how far you'll work to be able to get it. Work hard. It was my innocence back then that made me dream alone without knowing who I am. For that, I didn't enjoy the process that I went through all along.
Possibilities are infinite. Shoot for the best. Do not be too definite or sure of something because it might, in a single moment, fly away. In the end, it's all the same: achievement or nothingness. You can have it all, but maybe, not just the way you wanted it to exactly be. ;)