I've recorded my conversation with someone very close to me. I told that person my insights and one of my reflections about myself, and I want to share it with you people too.
You'll see later that there's a part where it is addressed to the person I'm talking to. You see, that person losed grip onto me, that person lost anchor. But, I'm not convinced it's the end. I make destiny and history anyway, so I took action.
Here's the conversation, though it may not seem like one at start:
"I badly need to be different, cos these times, I'm being much the same as anybody my age. Maybe there's only a very slight difference with the way I think. Some people I know may say that I'm comparable with people older than me in manner of thinking but I say no. The way I have been acting lately just shows that I'm no different than they are. That really hit me in the head-that I need to change. You might think that there's nothing wrong with me: always in the top of the class, praised almost all the times by the professors in class, learning a lot, and looking like 'knowledge and brains' is my middle name. There's still more to say that there's nothing wrong going on inside me but here's the thing-only I can tell what's inside me. I think anyway that I'm the one that's making all the fuss, all the problems that I'm going through right now. Nothing seems wrong anyway, I may just be making things complicated when they don't need to. Actually, I have a problem. I also have the option to be burdened by it. But, "a good man, though he falls, is not utterly cast down, he stands up instead" (verse from the Psalms). That's when I came to my senses to change.
People today seek only the things that could make them feel secure. Katulad mo siguro, hehe (maybe just like you, haha). There's something that they lack inside kasi eh. I almost took the path that they take. But, I have realized that I shouldn't (I came to my senses). I remembered that I am different, that my life and who I am is not just like anyone else's. I seek to be able to make other people not just FEEL secure, but to BE secure. I've been telling that to myself a lot lately, I'm directing my life towards that path.
I'm with God anyway, God gave me all I ever wanted and needed, and I'm so happy about my life. Sadly, you're the only one not included with the things that I got. But, it's not the end, I'm not satisfied to just let it go like that. I'll still pray for you instead. I want to share what I've been through, I don't want to keep these graces all for myself. It's too good to share to others too. That's why I'm here for you. God bless you. :-)"